IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These
days
Use synonyms
, it is perceived by other
people
Use synonyms
 that we now have many options. In my opinion, I am in total agreement
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it should be noted that years ago
people
Use synonyms
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few and limited choices as compared to now. There were modes of transport. Things like aeroplanes, and
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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 were few and scarce.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 used ships for long distances
where
Correct word choice
and
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 they
would travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
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 from places like Mozambique to America. Moreso, some would use camels or donkeys
while
Linking Words
 others would literally walk for
days
Use synonyms
 to a particular place.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in the
past
Add a comma
past,
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 the elderly
people
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 made decisions on literally everything and their word was final. Nowadays, it is not so. Young adults and teenagers are given an opportunity to air out their views about particular things including who will marry them,
which
Correct word choice
and which
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 sex they choose to be. whether, female or male. If a teenager is not happy about something, their views are respected.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 in China, years ago, would decide
on
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apply
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who would marry their daughter. These
days
Use synonyms
, no one can a decision about that.
In addition
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, a person can choose if they are gay or
a
Correct article usage
apply
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lesbian. In the past, it was an abomination to do that.
Thus
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, it should be noted that
people
Use synonyms
 indeed have too many choices. In conclusion, nowadays, we, as human beings have quite a number of alternatives. As I
am supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view totally, it is seen that these
days
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
different modes of transport are widely used as compared to the past.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can choose who to marry or what sex they are.
Sometime
Replace the word
Some time
show examples
 ago, elders decided on who would marry their children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it was an abomination for one to choose either to marry
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 same sex.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and touches on various relevant points. To improve further, try to develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be slightly more detailed. For instance, summarizing the main points in the conclusion would provide a stronger end.
supported main points
While the essay is coherent and the ideas are logically organized, work on ensuring that all points are well-supported. Adding more depth and elaboration to each of your supporting points will enhance your argument.
task achievement
Your response is well-focused on the topic and addresses the aspects of having too many choices in various contexts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
logical structure
Paragraphs are well-organized and ideas flow logically from one to the next, making your argument easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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