IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
People have mixed views on whether the main environmental
problem
 in our daily life is the loss of special kinds of creatures or the other more important environmental problems. In my opinion, I will examine the view that the primary
problem
 of environmental matter is the loss
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
 types of plants and
animals
. The issue of the environmental
problem
 has received amounts of public attention. As for me, I will contrast the two views. On the one hand, the core of the environmental
problem
 is that the ecological area is destroyed. The balance between the person and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature has been broken and both of these have a negative influence.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
warmingis
Correct your spelling
warming is
warming
 the main reason for the ice melting in Antarctica. There are many wild
animals
 and plants that will be affected,
such
 as the
penguis
Correct your spelling
penguins
penguin
, tuna and so on. Because the habitat was destroyed, all the
animals
 had to migrate to other suitable areas. If they arrive at different places, for the local creatures, it is
also
 a species attack, which
is
Change the verb form
also affects
show examples
also
 affects the local
animals
 and plants.
On the other hand
, there are many other environmental problems, but not the
main
Correct pronoun usage
main ones
show examples
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural disasters like flooding, storms and so on. But for the environment, the destroyed environment can heal itself, which is different from
Submitted by fiasngs on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The task response is fairly good. You have addressed both viewpoints and tried to provide relevant examples. However, more detailed reasons and comprehensive arguments would significantly strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better coherence and cohesion. There are some logical connections between ideas but often they aren't fully developed. Try to use more connecting phrases and structure your paragraphs more clearly.
task achievement
The main points you've discussed are relevant but not fully supported. Add more detail and specific examples to make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea which is then fully explored and supported with examples. This will help in making your essay more coherent.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the two views and your intention to discuss them, which gives a clear starting point for your essay.
task achievement
The problem of melting ice in Antarctica and its impact on wildlife is a pertinent example and highlights your awareness of global environmental issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!