IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel a country can't be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #country #time #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, some
people
Use synonyms
 consider
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using green products which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 friendly for
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and animals. In Australia, many customer bring their own
cup
Use synonyms
 to buy coffee or tea.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some folks think there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 benefit for 
country
Use synonyms
's economic and friendly
environment
Use synonyms
 at the same time,
othes
Correct your spelling
others
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
agee
Correct your spelling
agree
show examples
 with. In
this
Linking Words
easay
Correct your spelling
essay
, both views will be discussed and given my opinion. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to consume a lot of clothes,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and energy.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, the factories have to produce more goods to meet
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 demand of the customers which means they have to use more materials.
Fashion
Add an article
The fashion
show examples
 industry is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, if
people
Use synonyms
 want to purchase more clothes, the factory
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to produce
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more which leads to
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of water, cotton
meterial
Correct your spelling
material
 and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 factory's fumes.
Thus
Linking Words
, more
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of those products will make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
growth of
Correct article usage
the ecomomy
show examples
ecomomy
Correct your spelling
economy
 but less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environmentally friendly
due to
Linking Words
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of materials.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a
country
Use synonyms
 can
do
Verb problem
be
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economically progressive and environmentally friendly since some
people
Use synonyms
 in countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are raised
awaraness
Correct your spelling
aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 green products and global warming if they consume too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 goods.
For instance
Linking Words
, even though, they always
cousume
Correct your spelling
consume
 a
cup
Use synonyms
 of coffee
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, always bring their own
cup
Use synonyms
 since they want to reduce a plastic
Use synonyms
cup
Fix the agreement mistake
cups
show examples
 or paper
cap
Fix the agreement mistake
caps
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 hard to recycle.
Hence
Linking Words
, a
country
Use synonyms
 can improve their
environment
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 will grow from other sectors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I believe that if our community less consume
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goods that harm
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals and
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, it will be good for us in the future
as well as
Linking Words
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. Imagine, when bring our own cap to buy a
cup
Use synonyms
 of coffee, normally get a discount which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us tend to buy more.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
chosse
Correct your spelling
choose
 only one topic since more
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
frriendly
Correct your spelling
friendly
environment
Use synonyms
, others think can do both topics at the same time, just raise
awaraness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 for
people
Use synonyms
 which I agree the
country
Use synonyms
 can do two topics together.
Submitted by pasineekhanpakdee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Review the appropriate use of articles and conjunctions. For example, '...consider to using green products which is friendly for environment...' should be '...consider using green products which are friendly for the environment...'.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph expands on one main idea clearly. For instance, the point about awareness in the second point of view could be deeply explored with specific examples and studies.
clarity
Enhance clarity by refining sentences and reducing less relevant details. Clear transitions between ideas would also improve the essay's logical flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses both points of view on the topic, fulfilling the task requirements.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide an overview of the essay’s purpose and summary of the arguments.
use of examples
Examples given, such as bringing a cup for coffee, illustrate the points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: