IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents work. What problems can be caused by this? What are some ways to support such children?

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With the wide prevalence of both
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parents’
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parents
show examples
 working, it has become common
that
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for
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 young
children
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spend
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to spend
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 lots of
time
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 alone at home.
However
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, the lack of
time
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of
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for
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 direct connection with
parents
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impact
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impacts
show examples
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children’s
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overall
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 growth in negative ways. To comprehensively address
this
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 problem,
parents
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 should utilize their
week-end
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weekend
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 more effectively by engaging in family
time
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 with their
children
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. Nowadays, young individuals frequently feel a sense of loneliness and solitude as they do not have anyone who
welcome
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welcomes
show examples
 them after school.
Parents
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, as the first educators, play a crucial role in
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children’s
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overall
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 growth; They can teach various fundamental
skills
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such
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 as cooperation, collaboration, and responsibility,
provoding
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providing
 emotional and moral support that profoundly
impact
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impacts
show examples
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children’s
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 personal growth.
However
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,
children
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 cannot acquire those fundamental
skills
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due to
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 the absence of the
guidances
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guidance
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in
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for
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 the majority of their life.
According to
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 a survey conducted by
Korean
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a Korean
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 educational institution,
children
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, whose
both
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apply
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parents
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 work, lack
the
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a
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 sense of empathy and communication
skills
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, compared
those
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to those
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 spending most of their
time
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 with
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parents
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their parents
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.
This
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 result
definitly
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definitely
 shows the significance of the presence of
parents
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 for
children
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. To solve
this
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 problem,
parents
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 need to have more
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to engage with their
children
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. They can make the most of their
week-end
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weekend
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 by going outside, visiting museums, and exploring their
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 together.
This
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time
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allow
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allows
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children
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 to stay connected with
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parents
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their parents
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 and feel reassurance.
According to
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 the same research, it was revealed that having
time
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 regularly and
consistantly
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consistently
 together mitigates
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children’s
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 solitude and boosts connection between
parents
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 and
children
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.
To sum up
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,
while
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 the lack of sufficient
time
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 with
parents
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 could negatively influence
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children’s
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 soft
skills
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such
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 as cooperation and sympathy, it is possible to alleviate the issue by engaging in family
time
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 frequently.

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task achievement
While you did address the main points of the prompt, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or evidence to back up your points. This would strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally good, but the introduction could be more effective if it provided a clearer overview of the issues and solutions. This will set a stronger foundation for your essay.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'week-end' instead of 'weekend' and 'provoding' instead of 'providing.' These small errors can slightly detract from the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include a more defined conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces the importance of addressing this issue. This can help to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay clearly identifies the issues caused by parents spending less time with their children and offers practical solutions to this problem.
task achievement
The use of a specific survey from a Korean educational institution adds credibility to your argument and demonstrates your ability to incorporate external data.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs addressing the problems and solutions, which helps to maintain coherence and cohesion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental guidance
  • Behavioral problems
  • Mental health issues
  • Emotional support
  • Screen addiction
  • Academic performance
  • Parental supervision
  • Social skills development
  • Communication issues
  • Obesity
What to do next:
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