Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents work. What problems can be caused by this? What are some ways to support such children?
With the wide prevalence of both
parents’
working, it has become common Change noun form
parents
that
young Correct word choice
for
children
spend
lots of Fix the infinitive
to spend
time
alone at home. However
, the lack of time
of
direct connection with Change preposition
for
parents
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
children’s
overall
growth in negative ways. To comprehensively address this
problem, parents
should utilize their week-end
more effectively by engaging in family Correct your spelling
weekend
time
with their children
.
Nowadays, young individuals frequently feel a sense of loneliness and solitude as they do not have anyone who welcome
them after school. Change the verb form
welcomes
Parents
, as the first educators, play a crucial role in children’s
overall
growth; They can teach various fundamental skills
such
as cooperation, collaboration, and responsibility, provoding
emotional and moral support that profoundly Correct your spelling
providing
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
children’s
personal growth. However
, children
cannot acquire those fundamental skills
due to
the absence of the guidances
Fix the agreement mistake
guidance
in
the majority of their life. Change preposition
for
According to
a survey conducted by Korean
educational institution, Correct article usage
a Korean
children
, whose both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
parents
work, lack the
sense of empathy and communication Correct article usage
a
skills
, compared those
spending most of their Change preposition
to those
time
with parents
. Correct pronoun usage
their parents
This
result definitly
shows the significance of the presence of Correct your spelling
definitely
parents
for children
.
To solve this
problem, parents
need to have more opportunity
to engage with their Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
children
. They can make the most of their week-end
by going outside, visiting museums, and exploring their Correct your spelling
weekend
neighborhood
together. Change the spelling
neighbourhood
This
time
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
children
to stay connected with parents
and feel reassurance. Correct pronoun usage
their parents
According to
the same research, it was revealed that having time
regularly and consistantly
together mitigates Correct your spelling
consistently
children’s
solitude and boosts connection between parents
and children
.
To sum up
, while
the lack of sufficient time
with parents
could negatively influence children’s
soft skills
such
as cooperation and sympathy, it is possible to alleviate the issue by engaging in family time
frequently.Submitted by jb22809467 on
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task achievement
While you did address the main points of the prompt, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or evidence to back up your points. This would strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally good, but the introduction could be more effective if it provided a clearer overview of the issues and solutions. This will set a stronger foundation for your essay.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'week-end' instead of 'weekend' and 'provoding' instead of 'providing.' These small errors can slightly detract from the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include a more defined conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces the importance of addressing this issue. This can help to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay clearly identifies the issues caused by parents spending less time with their children and offers practical solutions to this problem.
task achievement
The use of a specific survey from a Korean educational institution adds credibility to your argument and demonstrates your ability to incorporate external data.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs addressing the problems and solutions, which helps to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...