IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #group #team #activities #skills #life
In modern society, there are different types of
sports
due to
 the growing interests of people. Some people believe that playing
team
sports
 can give us significant abilities in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more than individual
sports
. I endorse
this
 view owing to a number of reasons that will be discussed in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, it offers some golden opportunities to the public when they do group
sports
such
 as soccer, baseball and badminton rather than exercising alone
such
 as going to the gym . These kinds of
team
 activities will be able to contribute to having tremendous motivation, and they do not give up on acquiring it even if they encounter a crisis like a minor injury and slump.
This
 is because they are given various help or aids with each other as a member of the
team
.
Therefore
, it can lead to affinity and bonds between them. On top of that, one positive thing is that they can learn essential things like cooperation and interpersonal skills from others by taking part in group
sports
 competitions.
Although
 they are talented, which is high capacity in
this
 area, they can not win in the
sports
 game if they do not try to provide a number of support to their
team
.
Accordingly
, through
this
 process, they are taught how to solve these tasks that require their lives by talking to their group members, and they can deal with diverse conflict situations themselves in everyday life between humans as they become adults.
To sum up
, I support these ideas that it has a lot of merits that they could learn necessary things
such
 as they can maintain good relationships between people
while
 doing exercise with others.
As a result
, they might improve both their physical and mental health.
Submitted by komi4144 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job addressing the task, but you should consider offering more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your argument generally makes sense, though the transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and connectors would help.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but try to summarize your main points more explicitly in the conclusion.
general
Review your grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear, and more precise wording could improve comprehension.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You always include a relevant introduction and conclusion section in your essay, framing your arguments well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: