Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?
These days there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
alot
of fields for investments in every country. So, some people think that the investment Correct your spelling
a lot
money
from th goverment
should be in only Correct your spelling
the government
education
and medical sectors, Correct article usage
the education
while
others believe that the financial plan should be diversified in other aspects. This
essay will discuss both ideas and draw my personal conclusion.
On the first hand, the idea
of limiting the money
on the learning system and hospitals which is devoloping
schools, universities, and educational Correct your spelling
developing
buldings
, Correct your spelling
buildings
furthermore
, the hospitals and insurance system for citizens. For example
, instead
of spending money
on football Correct your spelling
fields
feilds
these people think that the priority of Add a comma
feilds,
this
money
is for hospitals. So, that why
they believe that Add a missing verb
is why
this
idea
is more adopted.
On the other hand
, the group that supports the idea
of
Change preposition
that
money
should not be limited on
Change preposition
to
couple
of Add an article
a couple
feilds
Correct your spelling
fields
,
and should be Remove the comma
apply
spended
Correct your spelling
spent
regarding
a vision which has a great impact on the income for the Change preposition
on
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
such
as the tourism factor. To illustrate, putting the checks on sports and adopting star players from famous national teams which helps
the local league to grow and Wrong verb form
help
devolope
the torusim Correct your spelling
develop
becuse
eventually people around the world will across the seas to see these famous players.
Correct your spelling
because
In
addition
growing Add a comma
addition,
money
from increasing the local manufactring
is one of the leading thoughts which nations on top Correct your spelling
manufacturing
addopt
and apply. For Correct your spelling
adopt
an
instance, Correct article usage
apply
USA
spend millions of Correct article usage
the USA
money
in
making cars Change preposition
on
ans
exporting them all around the world and that comes back Correct your spelling
and
with
trillions of income. Change preposition
in
This
proves clearly that diversing
Correct your spelling
diverting
diversity
money
and not limitng
them Correct your spelling
limiting
in
one or two Change preposition
to
feilds
is the most welcomed Correct your spelling
fields
idea
.
In conclusion, after a carful
analysis Correct your spelling
careful
for
both Change preposition
of
point
of Fix the agreement mistake
points
views
, I believe that Fix the agreement mistake
view
variety
of investments is very essential for the Correct article usage
a variety
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
world wide
.Correct your spelling
worldwide
Submitted by farissaadksa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, you need to develop your points further. Try to provide more detailed explanations and elaborate on your examples to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a solid structure. But ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly into one another to improve coherence. Using more linking words could enhance the logical progression of your essay.
task achievement
It's crucial to support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Try to delve deeper into how government investments in education and healthcare can lead to long-term benefits and contrast this with the potential downsides or benefits of investing in other sectors like sports or tourism.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Make sure that each paragraph has one main idea, and this idea is clearly developed and supported within the paragraph. Avoid mixing multiple ideas in one paragraph.
task achievement
Your introduction succinctly presents both sides of the argument and prepares the reader for the discussion to follow. This clear roadmap is a strong feature of your essay.
task achievement
You conclude with a clear personal stance, which gives a sense of closure to your essay. That's a crucial aspect of task completion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.