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Writing Samples
Band 7

Band-9 Samples: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Advertising is the basic key to success in marketing business, but some
companies
 are enough smart to show the existing products as new ones, which is a positive
development
 and I will explain with reason and relevant examples in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, some
companies
 promote the new article in the market by adding extra or new features to the existing ones and reflecting it as the latest product in the marketplace. It is caused by two reasons, first attracting new customers to generate new revenue and earning the trust of previously loyal customers by re-sailing them so they can see the best
result
, which helps the
companies
 to improve their feedback
as well as
 bringing up the best performance in the platform.
As a
result
, large corporations not only just high profits but
also
 name and fame. The biggest example of an iPhone CEO, who launched his first product in 2008 and
then
 added a new version every year in the same phone, which led to the generation of billions of dollars, but
also
 got recognition on a global level.
Secondly
, It is constructive
development
, because promoting an article creates job opportunities, and a plethora of people get hired by multinational
companies
 during the advertising, and some industries
also
 provide shelter and food.
As a
result
, it helps to mitigate the poverty level in the nation.
In addition
 to
this
, large marketing
companies
 lead to economic growth in the province by paying high taxes to the governments
along with
 high profits and governments use those taxes for sustainable
development
such
 as constructing roads and renovating public places to facilitate the community.
As a
result
, it becomes an ideal country for residents, that's why advertising a tool by adding new properties is a good
development
. To synopsize, I pen down saying that, reselling the same gadget with new quality helps to generate new consumers and leads to a high economic ratio, that's why
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 positive side should not be neglected.
Submitted by hkaur14165 on

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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Ensure consistent verb tense usage and correct minor grammatical mistakes, such as 'enough smart' to 'smart enough' or 're-sailing' to 'reselling'.
Task Response
Clarify and refine the introduction. Instead of saying 'some companies are enough smart to show the existing products as new ones', it would be more impactful to say 'Many businesses smartly market their improved products as new, which I believe is a positive development'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve cohesion by connecting ideas better with linking phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition'. More seamless transitions will aid in making your argument flow logically.
Task Response
Expand on explanations in the body paragraphs to provide clear, comprehensive ideas. For instance, delve deeper into how these marketing tactics improve customer trust. Provide more real-world examples if possible.
Task Response
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing the reasons why companies might emphasize their product’s new features and providing a positive view of this trend.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a solid structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You've used examples effectively to support your points, including the iPhone example.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • cutting-edge
  • state-of-the-art
  • modern
  • latest trends
  • competitive edge
  • rejuvenate
  • boost sales
  • consumer excitement
  • brand image
  • saturated market
  • distinguish
  • buzz
  • engagement
  • highlighting updates
  • attracting customers
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