In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing
In some countries,
people
who live in villages migrate to cities
, so the number of people
in the countryside
decreased
. In Wrong verb form
decreases
this
essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion at the end
.
On one
hand, there are many reasons why Correct article usage
the one
people
move to cities
. First of all, cities
had more jobs and a high salary, so everyone went to town because
Change preposition
for
this
reason. Secondly
, better education, parents who have kids want their children learn
the best lessons and subjects. Add the particle
to learn
For example
, nowadays, some people
go to privet school to study hard and learn about other cultures. It is also
important to highlight that, in towns, the public services are good in comparison with the countryside
. Also
Add a comma
Also,
people
need modern hospitals to care about
themselves, and they find them in the Change preposition
for
cities
.
On the other hand
, when the people
move to the town, bad effects will happened
. One of them, Change the verb form
happen
the
Add a missing verb
is the
cities
will be more crowded. Because a lot of people
move to the city instead
of staying in the countryside
. Moreover
, pollution will be increase
in towns. Pollution has many Change the verb form
be increased
be increasing
type
, Change to a plural noun
types
such
as noise pollution, which is one of the most negative effects. More importantly, the village will be deserted if everyone moves to the city.
To sum up
, it is clear that
when the rural people
are moving to cities
, it has good and bad effects, also
the population in countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
fall
. In my opinion, I think Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
that is
a positive development ,
because Remove the comma
apply
people
want to have jobs and study.Submitted by joudaalhammadi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly present your opinion, rather than stating you'll discuss both views. This aligns better with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition of the same points. For example, mentioning that cities offer better education and then discussing private schools can be combined into one point without redundancy.
task response
Increase the range of vocabulary and ensure to use accurate terms (e.g., 'private' instead of 'privet'). This will enhance your essay's clarity and precision.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly conveys a single idea. Merging or splitting paragraphs as necessary can help improve flow and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which makes your arguments more convincing.
conclusion
The conclusion summarizes your points and states your opinion clearly, aligning with the initial argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?