IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing

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In some countries,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in villages migrate to
cities
Use synonyms
, so the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion
at the end
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, there are many reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 move to
cities
Use synonyms
. First of all,
cities
Use synonyms
 had more jobs and a high salary, so everyone went to town
because
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 reason.
Secondly
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, better education, parents who have kids want their children
learn
Add the particle
to learn
show examples
 the best lessons and subjects.
For example
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, nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 go to privet school to study hard and learn about other cultures. It is
also
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 important to highlight that, in towns, the public services are good in comparison with the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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people
Use synonyms
 need modern hospitals to care
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves, and they find them in the
cities
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, when the
people
Use synonyms
 move to the town, bad effects will
happened
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
. One of them,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 will be more crowded. Because a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 move to the city
instead
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 of staying in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, pollution will
be increase
Change the verb form
be increased
be increasing
show examples
 in towns. Pollution has many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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,
such
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 as noise pollution, which is one of the most negative effects. More importantly, the village will be deserted if everyone moves to the city.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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 when the rural
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
, it has good and bad effects,
also
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 the population in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
show examples
. In my opinion, I think
that is
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 a positive development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
people
Use synonyms
 want to have jobs and study.

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task response
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly present your opinion, rather than stating you'll discuss both views. This aligns better with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition of the same points. For example, mentioning that cities offer better education and then discussing private schools can be combined into one point without redundancy.
task response
Increase the range of vocabulary and ensure to use accurate terms (e.g., 'private' instead of 'privet'). This will enhance your essay's clarity and precision.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly conveys a single idea. Merging or splitting paragraphs as necessary can help improve flow and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which makes your arguments more convincing.
conclusion
The conclusion summarizes your points and states your opinion clearly, aligning with the initial argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic opportunities
  • career prospects
  • quality of life
  • cultural exchange
  • economic stagnation
  • urban overcrowding
  • infrastructure
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • natural habitats
  • migration
  • superior education and healthcare services
  • diverse and vibrant cultural landscape
  • local services
  • urban slums
  • pressure on infrastructure
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