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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
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The table provides information about the global electricity
generation
Use synonyms
 by various renewable
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 from 2009 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, production of the electric
power
Use synonyms
 by hydraulics was at peak position,
while
Linking Words
 solar
energy
Use synonyms
 contributed a fraction of
power
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all the sources experienced an upward trend.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
generation
Use synonyms
 of the electricity by hydraulics was higher
that
Correct word choice
than
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 bio-mass and wind
energy
Use synonyms
. It continued to increase over the period .It was 3329TWh in 2009,
rose
Correct word choice
and rose
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 to 3514.3TWh in 2010 . In 2011 and 2012,
power
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
 by hydraulics was 3530.8TWh and 3663.4 respectively.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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power
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
 by wind and bio-mass in 2012 was 534 and 326.2TWh.
Conversely
Linking Words
 , geothermal and solar
energy
Use synonyms
 produced
a
Change the article
the
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 least amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity. Production by geothermal
energy
Use synonyms
 increased slightly over the period ,
whereas
Linking Words
 construction of the
power
Use synonyms
 by solar efficiency was 21TWh in 2009 and rose dramatically
go
Correct your spelling
to
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 104.5
TWh
Use synonyms
 in 2012

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words generation, power, energy, twh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Renewable sources
  • Electricity production
  • Significant growth/decline
  • Yearly basis
  • Specific figures
  • Stagnated
  • Regional differences
  • Anomalies
  • Unexpected trends
  • Implications
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