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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items with famous brands. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #cars #items #brands #is #development
These days, we are surrounded by a
lot
 of brands, some of which are really luxurious.
In addition
, most
people
 like to buy clothes, cars and other items from them. In my opinion, It is a negative development because not only do
people
 waste their
money
 but
also
 companies reduce their quality;
moreover
,
this
 issue is a result of the development of technology. All of the matters
such
 as buying
things
 from brands stores have some reason like social media and advertising.
Firstly
,
people
 who have activity in social media like Instagram, and select influencers for their model of life prefer buying their devices from brands as the same as their models.
Secondly
,
brand
 businesses spend a
lot
 of
money
 on commercials to alter society's beliefs about one thing.
In other words
, Benze company spent a
lot
 of
money
 to introduce its new car to
people
 who are buying it. On the one hand,
this
 way of life has some negative effects on
people
's lives
people
 spend a
lot
 of
money
 to demonstrate themselves;
as a result
, they cannot buy all the tools they need for life
due to
 the fact they waste their
money
 for
things
 that can buy from cheapest places. To illustrate, I need a list of clothes and a pair of shoes for spring;
furthermore
, when I buy these
things
 from Channel I can sell just one T-shirt, pants, and a pair of shoes;
however
, I can buy these
things
 from the local market that the number of costs is less than.
On the other hand
, when
people
 buy a
lot
 of equipment from
brand
 stores,
then
 these firms decline their qualities as
people
 return back more than past;
hence
, the figure of their profits is climbing.
For instance
, in the past a vehicle with the
brand
 TOYOTA could work for 20 years without any problems;
nevertheless
, today, most cars can work for 6 years very well, but after that, we must exchange them.
To sum up
, It is important that
people
 are not influenced by
brand
 devices;
additionally
, they improve our culture that
brand
 devices cannot change our personalities, so we do not need to spend a
lot
 of
money
 to buy these
things
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and help companies to become bigger than past.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on presenting a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. Summarize your main points effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Ensure all the examples provided are strongly related to the main points and are clearly explained.
task achievement
Good use of relevant specific examples to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure helps in understanding the flow of ideas.

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