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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items with famous brands. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #clothes #cars #items #brands #is #development
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These days, we are surrounded by a
lot
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 of brands, some of which are really luxurious.
In addition
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, most
people
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 like to buy clothes, cars and other items from them. In my opinion, It is a negative development because not only do
people
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 waste their
money
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 but
also
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 companies reduce their quality;
moreover
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,
this
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 issue is a result of the development of technology. All of the matters
such
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 as buying
things
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 from brands stores have some reason like social media and advertising.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who have activity in social media like Instagram, and select influencers for their model of life prefer buying their devices from brands as the same as their models.
Secondly
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,
brand
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 businesses spend a
lot
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 of
money
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 on commercials to alter society's beliefs about one thing.
In other words
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, Benze company spent a
lot
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 of
money
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 to introduce its new car to
people
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 who are buying it. On the one hand,
this
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 way of life has some negative effects on
people
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's lives
people
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 spend a
lot
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 of
money
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 to demonstrate themselves;
as a result
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, they cannot buy all the tools they need for life
due to
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 the fact they waste their
money
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 for
things
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 that can buy from cheapest places. To illustrate, I need a list of clothes and a pair of shoes for spring;
furthermore
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, when I buy these
things
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 from Channel I can sell just one T-shirt, pants, and a pair of shoes;
however
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, I can buy these
things
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 from the local market that the number of costs is less than.
On the other hand
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, when
people
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 buy a
lot
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 of equipment from
brand
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 stores,
then
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 these firms decline their qualities as
people
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 return back more than past;
hence
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, the figure of their profits is climbing.
For instance
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, in the past a vehicle with the
brand
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 TOYOTA could work for 20 years without any problems;
nevertheless
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, today, most cars can work for 6 years very well, but after that, we must exchange them.
To sum up
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, It is important that
people
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 are not influenced by
brand
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 devices;
additionally
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, they improve our culture that
brand
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 devices cannot change our personalities, so we do not need to spend a
lot
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 of
money
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 to buy these
things
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and help companies to become bigger than past.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on presenting a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. Summarize your main points effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing more comprehensive ideas and clearer arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all the examples provided are strongly related to the main points and are clearly explained.
task achievement
Good use of relevant specific examples to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure helps in understanding the flow of ideas.
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