IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays many countries face the issue of overpopulation. There is no doubt that every age groups are important to build the nation. Some people argue that the increased youth population is more effective than the elderly ones. There are numerous advantages and disadvantages to having a more modern generation rather than older society members. I strongly believe that
this
 situation has more positive impacts as compared to negative effects. As far as I am concerned the pros outweigh the cons. On one hand, there are a number of plus points for the youth generation which can be considered in terms of proficiency and capabilities. Not only is their brain prepared to produce or accept new ideas, but they
also
 have more passion and time to make changes and follow their dreams as well. A country with a huge number of young public has more labour so
as a result
, its economy is more dynamic.
For example
, Canada accepts young immigrants much easier than older ones, because it needs young experts and a professional workforce to progress in all types of fields.
On the other hand
, some advantages can be considered for older individuals.
It is clear that
 elder people are more experienced and better at doing duties that require wisdom and knowledge.
In addition
, they do not often require high salaries. In some practical works, older individuals have enough experience to do it without mistakes.
For instance
, the community would rely on an elder carpenter more easily than a young one. Because the elder one has worked more with woods since he started his work.
According to
 what has already been discussed there are many advantages and disadvantages to the youth generation
while
 the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. A county society is a combination of people with a huge range of ages with interactions among all divisions. In some countries the youngest society seems to be far better than the elder ones,
nevertheless
, there are some worries about these conditions.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider developing a clearer logical structure that guides the reader from point to point without large leaps or gaps. Transition phrases and topic sentences may help establish this logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting the topic clearly at the start and summarizing the main arguments cogently at the end.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and specific reasons, examples, or arguments. Avoid generalizations and strive for depth in the analysis of each advantage or disadvantage mentioned.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas presented to fully respond to the task and ensure that the essay is balanced, covering both advantages and disadvantages with equal depth and critical analysis.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively to give the reader a thorough understanding of each point. Strive for depth and nuance in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of a youthful population.
task achievement
Use specific examples or case studies to illustrate points, grounding your essay in real-world contexts and making your arguments more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: