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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #school #graduates #travel #work #period #time #study #university #approaches
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It is common for a student to take a gap
year
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 in a foreign country or even
work
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 for a
year
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 prior to
university
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. Whether a student should engage in travelling or working before embarking on a formal qualification has been a topic of debate for various years.
Firstly
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 the advantages of
such
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 activities will be discussed, followed by all the economic
disadvantages
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 one encounters in
such
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 endeavours. The benefits of resisting
university
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 for a
year
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 to travel or
work
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 open the student's mind to new worlds,
such
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 as having responsibility at
work
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 or learning a new language abroad. Having spent a
year
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 in Australia prior to
university
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 I learnt how to look for
work
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, become responsible with finances and other essential life skills
such
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 as cooking. Upon starting
university
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, various tasks
such
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 as money management and employment were second nature
thus
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 allowing more time for studies. Without having gone abroad
university
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 life would undoubtedly be more challenging. The
disadvantages
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 are mainly cost related, the airfare, travel insurance, national insurance and personal living costs are large sums.
However
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, finding another opportunity to go abroad is difficult once the pattern of normal life is resumed.
In addition
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, it is
also
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 an opportunity to experiment with different jobs before choosing a career at
university
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.
Therefore
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 there is a considerable advantage of taking a
year
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 out before higher education.
To conclude
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, the main
disadvantages
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 are the costs involved,
however
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, the benefits dramatically outweigh the
disadvantages
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. Time should be spent wisely as it can never be recuperated , unlike money which can be spent and earned.
Submitted by joshi65201 on

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general
Try to provide more specific examples to support the main points. For instance, instead of saying 'having responsibility at work,' mention specific responsibilities like 'managing customer service duties in a retail job.'
task achievement
Expand on the disadvantages slightly. You touch on economic costs, but consider also mentioning potential academic setbacks or loss of study momentum.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent formal tone. Phrases like 'having gone abroad' can be rephrased to 'having had the opportunity to go abroad' for more formality.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You’ve included personal experience, which makes the argument more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
You address both advantages and disadvantages clearly, showing balanced consideration of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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