In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

For the green environment, there are many spaces for growing vegetables. I think that it is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
influence having citizen's hobby. Today, I explain
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why I think like that, with some reasons.
Firstly
, If the government offer some parks to people who live nearby there, they can cultivate
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
fruit and vegetables. It would be a
heathly
Correct your spelling
healthy
life
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays.
Also
, they can eat organic food which they grow
immedatley
Correct your spelling
immediately
without any
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
.
In addition
, children have a good chance
about learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
Correct word choice
and cultivating
show examples
cultivating
Wrong verb form
cultivate
show examples
life.
Submitted by ekmds010822 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on establishing a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. This will make your argument more compelling and complete.
task achievement
While your ideas are relevant, they need further development and more specific examples. Try to elaborate on each point you make with further details or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more logical connectors to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'on one hand,' 'on the other hand,' and 'as a result' could help clarify the relationships between your ideas.
general
Focus on grammar and vocabulary to reduce minor errors. Proofreading your essay can help you catch mistakes and enhance readability.
content
You presented some relevant ideas on why public parks being converted into gardens is a positive development.
depth
You touched on multiple aspects, such as health benefits and educational opportunities for children, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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