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Band 4.5

Some people believe that elementary and high school students should be taught how to manage money because it is an important life skill. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #school #students #money #life #skill
Money
 is crucial for life. People use it to exchange goods and services. Food, home, clothes and medical care can be bought.
Therefore
, managing
money
 is so essential. Many people do not know how to manage
the
Change the word
their
show examples
money
. After they graduated from
shools
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
, they had to
survived
Change the verb
survive
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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alone without
taught
Add a missing verb
being taught
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to manage
money
 from elementary lessons.
That is
 why it ended by wasting
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young adolescents. It is a good idea to teach students about the way to manage
money
.
For example
, someone
divide
Change the verb form
divides
show examples
 all of the
money
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 five parts.
One
 part
spends
Wrong verb form
is spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 facilities
such
 as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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, drinks, clothes and cozy homes. The second part
uses
Wrong verb form
is used
show examples
 to entertain
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
, the third
one
 should be saved in the bank ,the fourth
one
 is for investing and the
last
one
 is for paying taxes.
However
, there are a lot of vital lessons in school
such
 as maths, science and languages, in the
limit
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limited
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time to complete these tasks. if we focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 teaching
money
managing
Replace the word
management
show examples
 in
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, maybe students will not be success studying in these fields. In my opinion, younger generations can
be learn
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 how to use
money
proper
Change the word
properly
show examples
 by
themslves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 since they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 in school. Parents should give limit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
 to them and let them manage their own
money
wiithout
Correct your spelling
without
 forcing to learn in the lesson. In conclusion, knowing how to manage
money
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 teenagers even from
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
 or
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. It can reduce wasting
money
 in adolescent and provide
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 planings for their lives.
Submitted by itsmeatommm on

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sentence structure
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Simple sentences can be clear, but varied sentence structures can make the essay more compelling.
paragraph logic
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The arguments could be more developed and detailed. Provide more specific examples to make your points stronger.
conclusion strength
The essay needs a stronger conclusion. Summarize the main points more clearly and restate your opinion effectively.
issue discussion
You have made a good attempt to address both sides of the issue.
opinion clarity
Your opinion is clear and logical.
introduction relevance
The introduction sets up the importance of managing money effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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