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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#studies #teenagers #person #case #measures #time #minutes
Researchs
Correct your spelling
Research
Research is
telling
Verb problem
shows
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 that a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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 number of minors in
this
 epoch tend to socialise online rather than
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
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 each other in person.
This
 essay will discuss why
this
 tendency is popular nowadays,and will
anylyze
Correct your spelling
analyse
 why is it so. At
this
 epoch,more and more people prefer socialising throughout the world of the internet.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 lots of concurrent
teenagers
 will choose
meeting
Change the verb form
to meet
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 online rather than offline.One of the main reasons for
that is
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to communicate through the internet network distantly.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 means
communtication
Correct your spelling
communication
comfort
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is comfortable
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 for both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people,as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals gain
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability
of communicating
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to communicate
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 independently of
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 current location.
For example
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 can communicate with my friend who lives in another country,so that's making everything easier.The second main reason is an opportunity to think of your answer before sending
message
Add an article
a message
the message
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 back,which prevents youngsters from making unnecessary statements. At the same time,
this
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a problem,when
teenagers
 express reluctance
meeting
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to meet
show examples
 in person.It is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a problem because a lot of
teenagers
loosing
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losing
show examples
 their
communicational
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communication
show examples
 ability,which is jeopardizing their future,where numerous people working together
reaching
Change the verb form
to reach
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 their goal,and
Correct article usage
the inabillitity
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inabillitity
Correct your spelling
inability
 to speak can harm their goals.To prevent that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would recommend
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
making
Wrong verb form
make
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more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
optinal
Correct your spelling
optional
optimal
 and comfortable
envoirenment
Correct your spelling
environment
 around youngsters to make offline meetings more comfortable.
For example
 offering free water
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 in hot weather,or warm
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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 in winter. In
conlusion
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conclusion
 to make
teenagers
 change their meeting style,the country should provide them with comfortable conditions to meet in person,so they will tend
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
to see each other in
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 more often.
Submitted by mexofors on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and logical flow, aim to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Avoid abrupt transitions by using linking words such as 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'moreover.'
coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer. Make an explicit statement outlining the points you will discuss. For example: 'This essay will explore the reasons behind this trend and suggest ways to encourage teenagers to meet in person.'
coherence cohesion
Work on making your conclusion more comprehensive by summarizing all the main points discussed in your essay, rather than just providing a brief statement.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main idea. For example, rather than mentioning the ability to communicate across distances and the opportunity to think before sending a message in the same paragraph, separate these ideas for clarity.
task response
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Personal experiences, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios can add depth to your argument.
task response
Your essay does cover the main points of the prompt, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task response
The points you raised about the benefits of online communication and the necessity of improving offline meeting conditions are pertinent and meaningful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital platforms
  • primary means
  • social interaction
  • messaging apps
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • geographic barriers
  • perceived safety
  • control
  • online environments
  • global events
  • COVID-19 pandemic
  • accelerating
  • foster
  • community events
  • educational institutions
  • collaboration
  • guardians
  • pivotal role
  • participation
  • awareness
  • psychological benefits
  • physical benefits
  • in-person interactions
  • public campaigns
What to do next:
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