IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that the loss of specific species of
plants
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 and
animals
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 is the most crucial environmental issue. I firmly disagree with the statement that the extinction of
plants
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 and
animals
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 is the main environmental
problem
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.
This
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 essay will explore other environmental concerns that are more deleterious.
To begin
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 with, the loss of species of
plants
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 and
animals
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 has devastating outcomes for habitats.
However
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, there are other critical environmental issues that should be taken into account.
Climate
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change
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 has affected many species' environments.
While
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 changes in
climate
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 are not harmful if they happen at a constant rate, the acceleration of
climate
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change
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 contributes to many destructive events.
For instance
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, in many countries, forests are in a dangerous position.
Likewise
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, in Australia, many
plants
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 burn every year
due to
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 deforestation, which is significantly affected by
climate
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change
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.
Secondly
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,
pollution
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 has
also
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 negative impacts on the
environment
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.
As a consequence
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 of the increasing usage of products that damage the
environment
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,
such
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 as plastics and bottles,
pollution
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 has become a more challenging
problem
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 for mankind.
For example
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, Istanbul is a large city that suffers from
pollution
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 issues which directly affect 20 million people who live in the city.
Thus
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,
pollution
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 is an essential
problem
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 which influences many individuals. So, I would recommend restriction of products that damage the
environment
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the extinction of
plants
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 and
animals
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 is an environmental
problem
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,
climate
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change
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 and
pollution
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 affect large masses with catastrophic consequences. Ultimately, overcoming
climate
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change
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 and
pollution
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 problems plays a vital role in ensuring the safety of the
environment
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.

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task achievement
Consider strengthening the argument by providing additional specific examples and data to support your points. This will not only make your arguments more persuasive but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clarify transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help to improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. While these didn't significantly impact comprehension, polishing your language can elevate the clarity of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and provides a strong thesis statement that sets the stage for the subsequent discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing, making it easy to identify the main points of discussion.
complete response
You have addressed both views on the topic, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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