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Band 6.5

Today, family members eat fewer meals together. What's your opinion

#members #meals
Currently,households do not spend a great deal of
time
 during eating
time
.There has been much discussion revolving around the given topic.My opinion will be elaborated on on
this
 subject
in addition
 to some corroborations in order to justify my point of view.
To begin
 with,by dint of technological advancement a lot of family
members
 are committed to their mobile screens, and
as a result
 ,they do not enjoy eating together.To illustrate
this
, take my country as a clear example, only the husbands prefer to do
this
.
On the other hand
, youngsters embrace their cell phones
instead
 of eating with their families. Some consider
this
 as a negative impact of social media.
However
,despite
this
, the other pattern can be seen in spouses.On account of the burning cost of living,not only fathers but
also
 mothers spend a great deal of hours with their tedious work in order to meet their family needs
in addition
 to fulfilling their potential .
Hence
,they spend fewer hours together.
Moreover
,some of the family
members
 are either studying or working abroad.
Therefore
, they do not spend many hours together,because of the given reason. It is
also
 interesting to note that
according to
 surveys done by experts, they displayed that a large number of families did not enjoy eating together.So, doubtlessly,in the near future, the
members
 of the families will enjoy alone with their meals alone.
Finally
,
according to
 the aforementioned clarification,I am fairly certain that households do not have
time
 in order to enjoy their favourite diets together. In a nutshell,after a thorough analysis of the given topic,it is justified that the family
members
 do not meet each other during dining
time
 owing to the reasons that show up;
consequently
,I am in agreement with
this
 notion.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some level of organization, but the logical progression of ideas is not always evident. Consider paragraphing more effectively and using clearer linking words to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are fully developed, each serving its purpose—introducing the topic and summarizing your stance and reasons, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points more extensively with relevant explanations or examples. The points made require further elaboration for better clarity and impact.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on expanding your ideas and presenting them in a more detailed manner.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples provided are too general and do not substantially support your arguments. Try to reference studies or tangible scenarios that directly relate to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal changes
  • modern work schedules
  • individualism
  • technology's influence
  • foster
  • communication
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • adverse effects
  • dietary health
  • social development
  • restoring
  • isolating effects
  • digital media
  • face-to-face interaction
  • strengthening family bonds
  • family cohesion
  • crucial element
  • societal health
  • policies
  • initiatives
  • traditional values
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