IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
In some nations, after post-high school graduation, young adults are encouraged to take a gap
year
 to work or travel before starting
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
.
This
 essay examines the advantages and disadvantages for young adults who decide to take a
year
 off before starting university education. One of the primary advantages is that it allows them to discover themselves through working or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, where they can see their potential in fields,
such
 as cooking, sports, or painting as examples. In these activities, they can navigate themselves to see which one is suitable for them,
thus
 enabling them to pursue their intestines in the right direction. 
Furthermore
, once they identify their true
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
, they don't feel regret when they decide to apply to a particular degree.
On the other hand
, when they take a long break from school, it could lower their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in studying. To illustrate, if a person decides to work after finishing
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school, they may not feel the need to continue their studies since they already have money to support themselves. 
As a result
, those who take a gap
year
 may not be able to come back to their studies In conclusion, taking a gap
year
 before starting university has the advantage of self-discovery.
However
, it
also
 has the disadvantage of potentially lowering their interest in studying.
Submitted by Date on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more compelling and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearly connecting your points within paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to ensure your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are relevant to the task and are clearly stated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: