‘Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Firstly
, we have two sides the first one being to let
children
have complete
freedom
and the other
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
believes that adults should prevent
children
from making
mistakes
. I would like to start with the first
side
which is the " complete
freedom
"
side
I really do get what
this
side
is trying to show us as adults how to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
our
children
by letting them be on
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
own and make them ready for adulthood by giving
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
child
the
freedom
of making
mistakes
, and I do believe
that is
kind of true but
also
standing by
this
side
100 % would not be the best choice do to the fact that if you give your
children
complete
freedom
to make
mistakes
you as an
adult
can't
gusse
Correct your spelling
guess
what kind of mistake the
child
would be making maybe as simple as spelling water or as big as being stealing.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That
the end of the first
side
as I call it the
freedom
side
.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
the
side
that
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
that adults should prevent
children
from making
mistakes
,
this
side
is sadly unrealistic I really can't see myself or any actual
adult
agreeing to
this
side
because how do you as an
adult
want your
child
to learn without making
mistakes
that is
not logical , not even healthy to the
child
itself he would grow up thinking making
mistakes
is not normal and strange when it's totally wrong .
lastly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if you as an
adult
want to do the
freedom
side
of the always preventing
side
you are totally free to do want you personally like just choose the best for your
child
.
Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using clear paragraph breaks. This helps in organizing ideas more effectively, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help in framing your essay and guiding the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger conclusion that clearly summarizes the discussed points and provides a final opinion. This will leave a lasting impression and provide closure to your essay.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your points but also demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Clarify your points by ensuring that each argument is thoroughly explained and logically connected to the next. This will make your essay more comprehensive and easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your personal opinion is clearly stated, which adds a personal touch to the discussion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Freedom
  • Mistakes
  • Valuable life lessons
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Resilience
  • Creativity
  • Prevent
  • Dangerous
  • Life-altering
  • Adult supervision
  • Instill
  • Good judgment
  • Guidance
  • Harmful habits
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