‘Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#‘some #people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults

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Firstly

Linking Words

, we have two sides the first one being to let

children

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have complete

freedom

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and the other

opinon

Correct your spelling

opinion

believes that adults should prevent

children

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from making

mistakes

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. I would like to start with the first

side

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which is the " complete

freedom

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side

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I really do get what

this

Linking Words

side

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is trying to show us as adults how to

rise

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raise

show examples

our

children

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by letting them be on

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

own and make them ready for adulthood by giving

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

child

Use synonyms

the

freedom

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of making

mistakes

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, and I do believe

that is

Linking Words

kind of true but

also

Linking Words

standing by

this

Linking Words

side

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100 % would not be the best choice do to the fact that if you give your

children

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complete

freedom

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to make

mistakes

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you as an

adult

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can't

gusse

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guess

what kind of mistake the

child

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would be making maybe as simple as spelling water or as big as being stealing.

Thats

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That

the end of the first

side

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as I call it the

freedom

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side

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Linking Words

Secondly

Add a comma

Secondly,

show examples

the

side

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that

believe

Change the verb form

believes

show examples

that adults should prevent

children

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from making

mistakes

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this

Linking Words

side

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is sadly unrealistic I really can't see myself or any actual

adult

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agreeing to

this

Linking Words

side

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because how do you as an

adult

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want your

child

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to learn without making

mistakes

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that is

Linking Words

not logical , not even healthy to the

child

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itself he would grow up thinking making

mistakes

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is not normal and strange when it's totally wrong .

lastly

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

if you as an

adult

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want to do the

freedom

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side

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of the always preventing

side

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you are totally free to do want you personally like just choose the best for your

child

Use synonyms

Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on Sun Jul 21 2024

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coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical flow by using clear paragraph breaks. This helps in organizing ideas more effectively, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Include a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help in framing your essay and guiding the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Develop a stronger conclusion that clearly summarizes the discussed points and provides a final opinion. This will leave a lasting impression and provide closure to your essay.

task achievement

Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your points but also demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Clarify your points by ensuring that each argument is thoroughly explained and logically connected to the next. This will make your essay more comprehensive and easier to understand.

task achievement

The essay presents both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Your personal opinion is clearly stated, which adds a personal touch to the discussion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Freedom
Mistakes
Valuable life lessons
Problem-solving skills
Resilience
Creativity
Prevent
Dangerous
Life-altering
Adult supervision
Instill
Good judgment
Guidance
Harmful habits

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‘Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railway and trams. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.