IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural areas, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
With
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalization and the extreme advance of technology it is becoming easy to visit new
insulate
Replace the word
insulated
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 palaces from
over
Rephrase
all over
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 the world, some
my
Correct your spelling
may
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holds
Wrong verb form
hold
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 the idea that it is beneficial for people and the planet to discover and visit remote natural
areas
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it's
mighr
Correct your spelling
might
 affect the natural
areas
Use synonyms
 negatively, as far as I am concerned I am with the formal idea for the following reasons .
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
 let's
strat
Correct your spelling
start
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 with the stunning and the angelic that could
alluring
Replace the word
allure
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 tourists and from the world, which is undoubtedly will benefit the economy of the countries that hold the natural
areas
Use synonyms
 .
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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areas
Use synonyms
alluring
Add a missing verb
are alluring
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 not just
tourists
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to tourists
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Linking Words
furthermore
Correct word choice
but furthermore
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it
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apply
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might be the direction for researchers from all over the world,
thus
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 researchers could learn about
animals
Correct article usage
the animals
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 and plants of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 natural
areas
Use synonyms
therfor
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
 might be beneficial in saving endangered species from extinction .
Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
Linking Words
 discovering and visiting new places
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 discover new natural
resours
Correct your spelling
resources
 especially renewed
resours
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
 which is very beneficial to
generate
Wrong verb form
generating
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 energy and saving
fuels
Change the noun form
fuel
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 energy.
Body paragraph 4
On the
Correct word choice
other hand
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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openents
Correct your spelling
opponents
 argue that visiting natural
areas
Use synonyms
 not beneficial
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it might increase the rates of pollution and the deforestation caused by humans being which affect the habits of animals and plants .
Conclusion
Frankly speaking
the
Correct article usage
apply
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visit
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 remote natural
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
area
 is very beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humankind and for the planet itself, so I
suuprt
Correct your spelling
support
suspect
 the statement which said that the beneficial effects
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use connecting phrases to maintain the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. Clearly state your stance in the introduction, and summarize the main points in your conclusion.
task achievement
Reinforce your main points with more relevant and specific examples. This will make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
Aim for clearer and more well-organized ideas. Be concise and focused in your argumentation, avoiding redundant statements.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
task achievement
You have included several relevant points that support your stance, indicating a thorough understanding of the subject matter.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientists
  • tourists
  • remote
  • natural
  • areas
  • South Pole
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • development
  • travel
  • study
  • environment
  • climate
  • change
  • research
  • discoveries
  • protect
  • wildlife
  • ecosystems
  • economies
  • jobs
  • businesses
  • presence
  • harm
  • disturb
  • pollution
  • stress
  • overcrowding
  • landscape
  • facilities
  • findings
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