Mental health concerns are a growing issue for many people around the world. What are some reasons for poor mental health, and what can governments do to support citizens' mental health?
The
world
is now witnessing a mental health
epidemic as there are growing concerns related to the number of people
experiencing mental health
complications. Reasons for this
increase include but are not limited to intensive economic competition, sleep deprivation, and social media
usage. As for solutions, I believe governments should focus on enhancing the country's economic position and introduce other necessary policies, such
as banning social media
in certain establishments.
The world
is now home to over eight billion people
, but there seem to be insufficient resources and opportunities for all. People
in different parts of the world
struggle financially and live most of their lives in pursuit of financial freedom. Only a certain proportion of people
eventually secure a comfortable position within society, but the more significant percentage of people
seem to never find peace when it comes to financial matters. Chasing money can be an exhausting assignment, making one's life stressful and thus
resulting in certain mental health
issues
, ranging from anxiety to severe alcoholism and clinical depression.
As we live in a highly chaotic world
where noise pollution and economic pressures rise continuously, our sleep patterns are also
affected. Numerous studies have lately been investigating the lack of sleep that has become a norm for millions of people
worldwide. Science claims that the less people
sleep, the more likely they are to gain extra weight, develop cardiovascular diseases, and become anxious. The worst part is that the effect of sleep deprivation is not always felt instantly but can be a source of numerous health
issues
in the long-term
, often making it an issue Correct your spelling
long term
that is
not taken seriously for a considerable amount of time.
One more source of mental health
dangers is the emergence of social media
and its transformation into a daily tool so actively used among
the majority of Change preposition
by
people
. Altough
there are some positive features of different social networking platforms, they often affect Correct your spelling
Although
people
's mental health
negatively. The reason for that is
the unprecedented amount of lies and exagerration
in Correct your spelling
exaggeration
exaggerations
social
Correct article usage
the social
media
accounts of many content creators and celebrities. A regular person who lives paycheck to paycheck may feel insecure watching some social media
users living a luxurious life that does not seem to have any worldly issues
. What makes this
aspect even worse is that people
tend to make irrelevant comparisons where they compare themselves to someone significantly younger but more successful.
Speaking realistically, a certain percentage of people
will inevitably suffer from mental health
issues
, but many more can be saved from them. Governments can reconsider how they allocate resources within the country to make sure there is less economic disparity. Making sure there is less unemployment can help as well due to
people
's dependence on a source of income in this
highly materialistic world
we live in.
The less obvious solution that I consider rational enough is the ban of
Internet use, including social Change preposition
on
media
, in particular
public places. Schools, parks and libraries can be those venues where people
should be encouraged to communicate, exercise and read rather than obsessively watch thousands of short videos that provide instant gratification and nothing else. This
can also
decrease the amount of radiation people
are exposed to, further
indicating the health
benefits of potential prohibitions.
In conclusion, mental health
crisis is a complex issue that can be explained in different ways. Providing people
with more economic opportunities and depriving them of some screen time can be useful.Submitted by minimix1203 on
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task achievement
While the essay covers the required elements of task response, providing more detailed suggestions for government actions could enhance the argument. Expanding on specific policies and their anticipated effects can provide a fuller response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas link smoothly from one to the next. More transitional phrases could be used to enhance the flow between paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, effectively illustrating the issues and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in making the argument more compelling.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear and comprehensible, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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