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Band 5.5

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#youth #crimes #parents #skills
The majority believe that there is no better solution to
juvinery
Correct your spelling
juvenile
 illegal activities than providing relevant education to young wrongdoers’ parents.
Although
 every single opinion does matter, I do not see eye to eye with them. As far as know, society has to consider that issue more global because it is the cooperative responsibility of schools, governments and families. As a matter of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact, institution administration must look after children and make as a joyful environment as it is possible. The key is simple, the less aggressive behaviour in classes, the less chance these kids would have a lawbreaking idea. To create
this
 kind of atmosphere, schools could have come up with social programs and therapies
such
 as personal psychology support. I have heard a story
how
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of how
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 two young individuals changed their minds
while
 they were working
in
Change preposition
for
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 an international charity. Their marks increased and
behaviour
Correct pronoun usage
their behaviour
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 became calmer just after they had gone to Africa and seen what other reality looked like.
Moreover
, the government sector is an even more essential part of
this
 complex mechanism so we should consider their effort to the youth crime.
For instance
, if I were those who had access to financial resources I would allocate it to those
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 I mentioned earlier. As an authority, they have to focus on one more global poverty issue. Group of people who even cannot cover day-to-day expenses or suffer from drug addiction let alone care about educational skills. So I do not think that the best way to reduce the average rate is with only family effort.
Overall
, it is understandable that some simply consider educating adults as the most efficient way to resolve the problem.
However
, it has to be wider. In
this
 case, we as a society could achieve a positive result.
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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to ensure fluidity and readability. Some sentences are somewhat complex and may confuse the reader. Simplifying these can enhance understanding.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples provided are directly relevant to the point being made. For instance, more detail or clarity about the story of the two young individuals could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Expand on the reasoning behind why educating parents alone is insufficient. Providing more concrete evidence or data would strengthen this argument further.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and addresses the topic effectively, arguing that the solution to youth crime is multi-faceted.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear start and end to the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas, aiding the flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • equip
  • psychological
  • constructively
  • foster
  • empowered
  • isolated
  • escalation
  • multi-faceted approach
  • eradicate
  • peer influence
  • socio-economic status
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