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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social resposibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#priority #businesses #money #resposibilities
Enterprises giving priority to making money
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 social responsibilities. I disagree with
this
 argument.
This
 essay will support my argument followed by reasons and examples. On the one hand,
companies
 must have a major role in society, especially in underdeveloped countries, enterprises can mitigate some of
Add an article
the citizen's
show examples
citizen's
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
show examples
 problems
such
 as unemployment.
Although
, a decrease in joblessness may reduce the level of poverty.
For instance
, in Islamic countries
Add a comma
,
show examples
companies
 play a role in social welfare, by providing jobs, giving money to sick people and helping poor students to pay their bills.
On the other hand
, some
companies
 don't care about the quality of their goods in order to reduce expenses and raise profits.
For example
, some markets may tend to exhibit and sell some outdated products despite throwing
these
Rephrase
away these
show examples
 expired products. In my opinion,
companies
 should make social responsibility a priority, to maintain their reputation and make a good relationship with the public. In conclusion, increasing money is one of the major goals of
companies
 regardless of their responsibility toward the public.
Companies
 must act as one of their societies to ensure their durability and consistency for a long period of time.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly stated and effectively supported with relevant examples throughout the essay. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can help your ideas connect more smoothly and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and effectively. This will enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion and sets up the structure of the essay, which creates a good initial impression.
task response
The essay provides specific examples, such as the role of companies in Islamic countries, which help to illustrate the points being made.
introduction and conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the writer's opinion, ensuring that the essay ends on a strong note.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • economic activity
  • public image
  • customer loyalty
  • ethical obligation
  • environmental degradation
  • regulatory compliance
  • legal penalties
  • investor trust
  • consumer base
  • innovation
  • sustainable practices
  • profitability
  • exploit
  • retain employees
  • job creation
  • unemployment rates
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