More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Suffice it to say, that obesity has become one of the biggest problems in the modern world. Having said that, many people think it might be a good idea to raise the prices of products that are extremely rich in fat, and
while
it seems like a rational idea from a certain point of view, I completely disagree with the following proposition. First of all, it is important to identify the reasons behind the growing rate of obesity. Undoubtedly, the main reason why many people become overweight is the sedentary lifestyle that they have, for it may be challenging to allocate enough time to a walk in the park or to go to the gym after work.
Consequently
, the
overall
lack of movement and the absence of sporting activities promote laziness, which leads to the second problem - incorrect nutrition plan, as many tend to not only consume a lot of sugar (especially artificial sugar that comes from sodas and candies), but increase their calorie intake in general, exceeding their baseline and,
as a result
, gaining weight. Admittedly, extra taxation on certain unhealthy foods might have temporary benefits, as some individuals will stop buying them.
However
, consumers will not decrease their caloric intake and just switch from one set of products to another. What I think is going to be more beneficial, is to attack the root of the problem and promote a healthy lifestyle altogether, by encouraging people to try various activities, from hiking and camping, to participating in charity marathones, and by giving free gym or swimming pool memberships. In conclusion, I firmly believe, that if enough resources are allocated to promoting a healthy lifestyle, we will be able to minimize the obesity rate and turn things around.
Submitted by smackerprince on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider elaborating more on why taxing fattening foods is not a long-term solution. Provide specific examples or studies to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure every point flows logically to the next. Transition words can be even more effectively used to enhance the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear, and the conclusion effectively reinforces your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are presented in a logical order, making the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
The argument against taxing unhealthy foods is well-presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: