IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

parently individuals become as busy as expected to take care of ageing people.these days humans don't have sufficient time to look after their parents. this essay will raise some problems and solutions.

parently individuals become as busy as expected to take care of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 .these days humans don't have sufficient time to look after their parents.
This
Linking Words
 essay will raise some problems and solutions in case they become clear. Senior resident tackles with sophisticated emotions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most elderly
people
Use synonyms
, who are retired and less productive, live alone. Eventually,
this
Linking Words
 is accompanied by some negative feelings
such
Linking Words
 as feeling isolated as their relations are diminished by staying at home and limited to their children.
Secondly
Linking Words
, financial problems can be considered as difficulties in looking after them actually the cost of nursing puts enormous strain on their budget not only insisting on parents feeling as dependent person but
also
Linking Words
 increasing personal pressure.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result society doesn't have enough support for them. We should provide situations to include more population rather than exclude them
due to
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 our need for all types of public, The Government should adopt a way to take into account the ability of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who are capable of
demonstrate
Wrong verb form
demonstrating
show examples
 them in society
this
Linking Words
 way may bring profound changes
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 way of life,
for instance
Linking Words
, many of these
people
Use synonyms
 are eager to share their experiences based on their work for younger and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can provide
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 community
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
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 expert elderly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, authorities should provide free activities for
this
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 proportion of society which help them to feel less bored
such
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 as special tours with
people
Use synonyms
 of the same age
Therefore
Linking Words
this
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 will help them to stay confident
consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should adapt themselves to the current situation and take responsibility as children It's vital to know all will experience the same situation and it's better the benefit from hindsight to build the future.

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task achievement
Ensure you have a clear and concise thesis statement in your introduction to set the stage for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a logical flow throughout your essay by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt by discussing both problems and solutions related to caring for aging parents.
task achievement
You attempted to cover various aspects of the topic, including emotional and financial challenges.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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