IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words

#countries #money #poverty #aid
In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether poor
countries
 need developed
countries
' help rather than charge or not, with many people believing that one of the best ways to help people living in developing
countries
 is financial aid. In
this
 essay, I will argue and explain that money is not beneficially supported for poor
countries
.
To begin
 with, I firmly believe that developing
countries
 lack a lot of
resources
 in several fields.
This
 is because, even if poverty nations are supported by financial
resources
, they cannot address their fundamental problems, and they do not have the
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to develop scientific and medical technologies.
As a result
, individuals cannot get medical care for a long time.
For example
, a recent survey has shown that it takes about 5 hours on foot to go to the hospital in developing
countries
. On top of that, uncountable people living in developing
countries
 have health issues because they do not have basic medical
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, and developed
countries
 should support their notable medical professionals and volunteers.
Moreover
, most poverty nations are located in difficult areas that harvest basic crops. For these reasons, many individuals pass away
due to
 these problems.
For example
,
according to
 the National Statistics Office, many folks suffer from several diseases
such
 as cancer, and heartbreak because of food shortages. In my opinion, poor
countries
 should obtain several technologies in order to deal with their original problems.
Therefore
,
while
 it is undeniable that financial aid makes them better,
it is clear that
 they lack a variety of
resources
. In conclusion, rich nations give other types of
resources
 to the poor
countries
, which can address their food shortage and facilities.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to be clearer and directly address the question statement. For example, rather than debating vaguely, state your stance clearly on whether financial aid is effective or not.
task achievement
In your essay, work on developing your main points with greater depth and specificity. For instance, you could discuss specific types of non-financial aid such as technology transfer or educational programs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This can be achieved by adding linking phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'On the contrary,' or 'Consequently.'
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and offers a clear stance, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, including a survey about the time it takes to reach a hospital and the statistics on diseases and food shortages.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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