2-Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?
Recently individuals become as busy as expected
to take
care of old Change preposition
in taking
people
. This
writer believes that these days humans don't have sufficient time
to look after their parents. The following essay will advocate the drawbacks and suitable solutions.
There are two main reasons related to this
issue. Firstly
, long period
of work Fix the agreement mistake
periods
time
caused
adults Wrong verb form
cause
don’t
have enough Verb problem
to not
time
to spend time
with their own family
. Fix the agreement mistake
families
secondly
, financial problems can be considered as difficulties to look after them actually the cost of nursing put
enormous strain on their budget not only Wrong verb form
puts
insist
on parents feeling Correct subject-verb agreement
insists
as
Change preposition
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
depended
person but Replace the word
dependent
also
increase
personal pressure. Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
as
a result, society doesn't Capitalize word
As
enough
support for them.
Moving on to the solution for these issues, many labor Add a missing verb
have enough
union
asked governments to Change to a plural noun
unions
decries
working hours. In Verb problem
decrease
this
way, people
will have sufficient time
to being
with their family and Wrong verb form
be
taking
care of elder Wrong verb form
take
people
. Furthermore
, authorities should provide medical service centers
to help citizens in the way of taking care of old Change the spelling
centres
people
.
Taking everything into account, it cannot be denied that people
should adapt themselves to the current situation and take responsibility as children It's vital to know all will experience the same situation and it's better the benefit from hindsight to build the future.Submitted by ghorbanisahar355 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. Right now, the essay contains some general points but lacks specific details.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows logically. Your ideas should transition smoothly from one to the next, which can be enhanced with appropriate linking words and phrases. Right now, transitions are present but could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Correct the minor grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the essay. This will improve readability and coherence. For example, correct sentences that start with 'secondly' or 'as a result' without proper punctuation.
task achievement
Expand your discussion in the solutions paragraph. You started a point with 'furthermore,' but did not complete it. Make sure each idea is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Try to integrate complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The topic is addressed adequately, covering both problems and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to your essay, and it addresses both parts of the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.