2-Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#-many #people #care #time

Recently individuals become as busy as expected

to take

Change preposition

in taking

show examples

care of old

people

This

writer believes that these days humans don't have sufficient

time

to look after their parents. The following essay will advocate the drawbacks and suitable solutions. There are two main reasons related to

this

issue.

Firstly

, long

period

Fix the agreement mistake

periods

show examples

of work

time

caused

Wrong verb form

cause

show examples

adults

don’t

Verb problem

to not

show examples

have enough

time

to spend

time

with their own

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

secondly

, financial problems can be considered as difficulties to look after them actually the cost of nursing

put

Wrong verb form

puts

show examples

enormous strain on their budget not only

insist

Correct subject-verb agreement

insists

show examples

on parents feeling

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

depended

Replace the word

dependent

show examples

person but

also

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

personal pressure.

Capitalize word

show examples

a result, society doesn't

enough

Add a missing verb

have enough

show examples

support for them. Moving on to the solution for these issues, many labor

union

Change to a plural noun

unions

show examples

asked governments to

decries

Verb problem

decrease

show examples

working hours. In

this

way,

people

will have sufficient

time

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

with their family and

taking

Wrong verb form

take

show examples

care of elder

people

Furthermore

, authorities should provide medical service

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

to help citizens in the way of taking care of old

people

. Taking everything into account, it cannot be denied that

people

should adapt themselves to the current situation and take responsibility as children It's vital to know all will experience the same situation and it's better the benefit from hindsight to build the future.

Submitted by ghorbanisahar355 on Mon Jul 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. Right now, the essay contains some general points but lacks specific details.

coherence cohesion

Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows logically. Your ideas should transition smoothly from one to the next, which can be enhanced with appropriate linking words and phrases. Right now, transitions are present but could be smoother.

coherence cohesion

Correct the minor grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the essay. This will improve readability and coherence. For example, correct sentences that start with 'secondly' or 'as a result' without proper punctuation.

task achievement

Expand your discussion in the solutions paragraph. You started a point with 'furthermore,' but did not complete it. Make sure each idea is fully developed.

coherence cohesion

Try to integrate complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.

task achievement

The topic is addressed adequately, covering both problems and potential solutions.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical structure to your essay, and it addresses both parts of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

213 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent for the free time activity of young people. To what extend, do you agree or disagree ?
There is too much expense spent on educating the young generation and the officials should pay more attention to providing pleasure time activities for them. I totally agree with focusing more on extra action because it can not only help students relax but also improve their physical health.
5.5
band
In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. Give reasons in support of and opposing this policy, and give your own opinion.
Nowadays more and more people move by the cars that is why in some large cities there are extra fees one needs to pay to enter the city and this fee was created in order to reduce the number of cars. I support this policy because the more cars , the more problems like traffic jams and car accidents.
5.5
band
Social media platforms are gaining in popularity in recent years. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ? [241]
With the advent of the internet, society has witnessed a revolution in many aspects of life, and entertaining is of no exception. New kinds of pastimes have appeared and probably, one of the most prominent recreations is social media. Rarely do we see a person without a phone full of social media nowadays and it might be what people spend most of their times with. However, this raises a critical question of whether the incremental popularity of these new kinds of entertainment is actually beneficent or there may exist a potential risk to our daily lives. After weighing up both the merits and demerits of this practice, I myself believe that the former far outweighs the latter, thus substantiating further pursuit of the above enquiry.
7
band
Some people think that reading is always a good habit , others feel it depends on which books a person is reading . Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Reading is always a positive habit for some individuals, while others believe that it depends on the types of books they read. There are some advantages of reading such as gaining new knowledge, increasing individual ability, and stress reduction. This essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
5
band
It is generally observed that almost all high level jobs are done by men. Does it mean that the government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Do you agree or disagree with this proposition.
In this essay, I want to argue and give my opinion on the question that; high-level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women?

2-Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

Fully explain your ideas

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent for the free time activity of young people. To what extend, do you agree or disagree ?

In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. Give reasons in support of and opposing this policy, and give your own opinion.

Social media platforms are gaining in popularity in recent years. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ? [241]

Some people think that reading is always a good habit , others feel it depends on which books a person is reading . Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is generally observed that almost all high level jobs are done by men. Does it mean that the government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? Do you agree or disagree with this proposition.