IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. »

The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. »
The bar graph shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of imprisonment in five
countries
Use synonyms
 -
Britain
Use synonyms
,
Australia
Use synonyms
, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
, the US and
Canada
Use synonyms
, between 1930 and 1980.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
prisoners
Use synonyms
 in 1930
while
Linking Words
 Great
Britain
Use synonyms
 had the least. But after 50 years, the figure for incarceration decreased in
Canada
Use synonyms
 and the United States had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
prisoners
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, in 1930,
Canada
Use synonyms
 had 120
thousand
Use synonyms
prisoners
Use synonyms
 and that was the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of inmates among the five
countries
Use synonyms
. There were 100
thousand
Use synonyms
prisoners
Use synonyms
 both in the US and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
. Again,
Australia
Use synonyms
 had around 70
thousand
Use synonyms
prisoners
Use synonyms
 and Great
Britain
Use synonyms
 had only 30
thousand
Use synonyms
prisoners
Use synonyms
 and that was the lowest. After a decade, the
prisoners
Use synonyms
’
number
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
 remained almost the same
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 decreased in
Australia
Use synonyms
, New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
. But
this
Linking Words
 year the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
prisoners
Use synonyms
 increased in the US by 30
thousand
Use synonyms
 and reached 130
thousand
Use synonyms
. In 1950, the
prisoners
Use synonyms
’
number
Use synonyms
 increased in
Britain
Use synonyms
 and slightly decreased in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
number of prisoners
show examples
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 increased and got highest among the five
countries
Use synonyms
 and decreased in the US. A similar trend in terms of prisoner numbers in these
countries
Use synonyms
 could be observed after a decade.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 1980, the
prisoners
Use synonyms
’
number
Use synonyms
 in these
countries
Use synonyms
 increased except in
Australia
Use synonyms
. The US had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
prisoners
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 year and Great
Britain
Use synonyms
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 had more than 80
thousand
Use synonyms
prisoners
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, countries, britain, australia, zealand, canada, prisoners, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • imprisonment rates
  • trends
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • countries
  • data presentation
  • social policies
  • crime rates
  • historical context
  • analysis
  • summary
  • implications
  • future research
What to do next:
Look at other essays: