“Some people think that Government should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion”
Many
people
believe that society's health
care
is part of the government
responsibilities. Change noun form
government's
On the other hand
, many argue that each one in the community should take care
of his own health
. In my opinion, both the government
and individuals are responsible for the improvement of the health
care
system.
On the one hand, proponents emphasise that if the government
made a proper health
scheme, we would notice positive changes in citizens' health
. They agree that many people
are careless about their health
, and if there are rules that are related to health
like essential regular checkups or blood tests, people
will start to take their health
seriously . In addition
, they noticed that improving health
facilities like hospitals and labs, has a huge role in reducing human fears toward the medical sector.
Conversely
, some people
say that we should prioritise our health
rather than anything else, and we should not blame the government
. They think that these days the reseon way we have improper health
is because we start to care
about the additional life needs rather than the mandatory ones. For example
, many individuals care
about purchasing the newest mobile more than going to treating their damaged teeth. In addition
, the government
has many other responsibilities to focus on it, and without help from their nation
they will not be able to provide many important things to them.
Add a comma
nation,
To sum up
, despite the argument that many agree that health
care
is part of the government
job and others think it is one of the humans' roles in their life, I believe that improving the Change noun form
government's
health
of the community is a shared work between the government
and their nation.Submitted by okalqusay on
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coherence
To improve clarity and coherence, make sure to address both views more equally and in a balanced manner.
task response
Provide more specific examples and develop each point more fully to enhance your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence
Work on making your transitions smoother between paragraphs to ensure a more fluid reading experience.
language
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors to further polish your essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up the discussion and wrapping it up.
task response
Main points are supported with explanations, though they can be developed further with more specific examples.
task response
The arguments presented are clear and relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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