IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rates #decline #advancements #technology #crimes
Nowadays technology is advancing faster than ever and many fields are benefitting from the opportunities
this
 trend presents. Some think that
crime
 prevention can
beone
Correct your spelling
be one
 possible application of new
technologies
, by allowing to deter offenders or solve
crimes
 in a faster and easier way. In my opinion, innovation in
crime
 prevention can be a game-changer that will reduce both the number of
crimes
 committed and the time it takes to catch those responsible for them. Not everyone is optimistic about the prospects of the use of new
technologies
 in
crime
 prevention, and those who subscribe to the more pessimistic view say that advanced
technologies
 can be accessed by criminals,
therefore
 raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 rates.
Such
 tools can, indeed, cause more damage if they fall
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the wrong hands;
however
, it would require the offenders to be highly skilled to be able to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technologies
. Statistically, many of them tend to have a lower level of education, and for that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 they are likely to stick to the old ways of committing
crimes
,
whereas
 the minority of highly skilled criminals are unlikely to make a big difference to the
crime
 levels.
Law
Correct article usage
The law
show examples
 enforcement workforce,
on the other hand
, has a much better grip on modern technology. Nowadays police officers and detectives undergo special training, take regular skill update courses, and use high-tech equipment. Facial recognition and thermal imaging are just two examples of the important tools that police are already using to find and catch offenders faster. Ordinary citizens can do their part in preventing burglaries by installing sophisticated systems with sensors, CCTV video feed and various alarms to detect and deter thieves. The combined effort will, no doubt, push the
crime
 curve down.
To sum up
, even though the wonders of technology are available to everyone, it seems to me that they will better assist law enforcement in solving
crimes
, and law-abiding citizens in protecting themselves and their property, rather than felons.
This
 will tip the balance in favour of
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
show examples
 in
crime
 rate and make the world a safer place.
Submitted by oyatilloalisherov159 on

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task response
The introduction is well-crafted and clearly states the thesis, but be sure to avoid small typographical errors (e.g., 'beone' should be 'be one').
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs remain focused and well-developed. Sometimes the connection between points could be made slightly clearer. For instance, the transition to discussing the capability of law enforcement could be better linked to the argument about criminals not being able to use advanced technology effectively.
task response
Try to add a bit more detail or another example to further strengthen your argument. This will show depth and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a well-rounded discussion on the impact of technology on crime rates.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, and your use of supporting examples bolsters your argument well.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are particularly strong, presenting a clear thesis and summarizing your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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