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Band 7

Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing era an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples form your own experience.

#people #art #subjects #music #drama #era #part #education #school #syllabus #form
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There is an argument whether the government should adopt an approach to add
art
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subjects
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 to the syllabus as an essential part of the curriculum or not. In my opinion,
art
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subjects
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 are same important as academic
subjects
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such
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 as mathematics, physics, and science. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement and I will examine it. On the one hand, studying
art
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 leads to fostering creativity which is crucial for problem-solving in real life.
For instance
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, recent studies advocate the theory that people who play music or write creative books have a better mindset to solve the problems in their lives. Since mathematics is able to improve your brain and is necessary for every age group,
art
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 is
also
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 as important to solve problems in the real world.
Therefore
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, every school have to emphasise
art
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subjects
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 alongside other academic
subjects
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.
On the other hand
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, not all students have the same talent in specific
subjects
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 that the school determined, and some pupils will probably do other work except engineering or science.
Art
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 education can lead to opportunities in various career paths in the creative industry.
For instance
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, some artists not only make more money than doctors, but they are
also
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 more famous than other majors.
Thus
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, if schools add
art
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subjects
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 to their syllabus, it might give them more chances to the student for their future profession. In conclusion, every school program must include
art
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subjects
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 and the government should value that.
Art
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subjects
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 not only improve their creativity, it give them more chances to students to have various occupation paths.
Submitted by shahab.a on

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grammar
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors. For example, 'art subjects are same important as...' should be 'art subjects are as important as...','every school have to emphasise' should be 'every school has to emphasise.' Small errors can slightly affect readability.
examples
Expand on key points with more relevant specific examples. The current examples are good but more concrete illustrations will strengthen the argument. For example, include real-life examples of schools known for their successful arts programs and how it has benefitted students.
response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task with a strong viewpoint expressed from the beginning.
structure
The logical structure is fairly well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
content
The importance of arts subjects in fostering creativity and various career opportunities is well-addressed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster creativity
  • problem-solving
  • emotional intelligence
  • holistic development
  • academic-oriented curriculum
  • diverse learning styles
  • inclusive education
  • career paths
  • creative industry
  • public speaking skills
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