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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the popluation in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #popluation #countryside #development
In Pakistan, many
people
 from interior Sindh and Punjab are moving to urban cities like Karachi and Lahore. The migration of
people
 is decreasing the population in the
coutryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
.
This
 is a positive development in Pakistan. Pakistan's economy
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 struggling in the past 10 years, especially
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 agricultural sector.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the countryside of
Paksitan
Correct your spelling
Pakistan
, earning
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 exist only in farming, cropping and harvesting activities. Unfortunately, there are no investments being made in
this
 sector
due to
 which there is a lack of
innnovation
Correct your spelling
innovation
 and development, leaving
people
 with less opportunity to earn in the
coutryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
, where survival is
dificult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 in times of high inflation. On the other side, there are opportunities for
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 to work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban cities, where the
constuction
Correct your spelling
construction
 industry is active. Investments are being pumped in resulting in
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
 of a large number of high rises.
This
 is an appealing opportunity for the uneducated
people
 in the countryside to move to urban cities for a better life. The government officials think that it is the right decision to support the construction industry so that the country's GDP grows fast. The influx of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 will help in the growth of GDP.
Submitted by hudibaiqbal on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides examples relevant to Pakistan, which is excellent. To improve further, make sure to expand on your points and provide a more balanced view. Consider discussing potential drawbacks of the rural-urban migration.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, but it can be enhanced by creating clear paragraphs for each main idea. Linking sentences and using transition words will help in making the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are supported with examples, a stronger introduction and a proper conclusion will strengthen your essay. Introduce the main ideas briefly in the introduction and summarize them with a strong concluding statement.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples specific to Pakistan, which enhances the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically discusses the economic opportunities in urban areas versus rural areas, supporting the main points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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