IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary epoch,
people
Use synonyms
 can live and
work
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 in any spot of the world
due to
Linking Words
 networking systems and mobility.
However
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,
this
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 trend leads to health deterioration and isolation. Personally, I believe the advantages outweigh the drawbacks, as digital communication and transport systems offer greater opportunities to be independent of a specific place. It is true that transportation and telecommunication boost
individuals
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' autonomy, enabling
people
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 to
work
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 remotely and easily relocate to different countries.
This
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 leads to greater workplace efficiency and improves the quality of life, as
individuals
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 can live wherever they prefer and avoid time-consuming commutes or missing important events
due to
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 traffic.
For example
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, a graduate student from Kazakhstan can
work
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 online for a top company
such
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 as Google
while
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 staying in their hometown with family. The main downside of data transmission and transportation systems is that the majority of
people
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 face health issues and
feelinf
Correct your spelling
feeling
feelings
 of loneliness.
This
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 is because they spend a lot of time at home leading a sedentary lifestyle.
Individuals
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 stop engaging in physical activities and constantly sit in front of a computer or laptop, forming unhealthy habits that damage their well-being.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the development of social media and other apps, face-to-face interaction declined.
That is
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 how they lose bonds with relatives and close friends and start feeling lonely.
For instance
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, studies show that
individuals
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 who overuse gadgets often have smaller circles and struggle with isolation. In conclusion,
although
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 the development of traffic infrastructure and mobility negatively impacts
people
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's health and creates a sense of loneliness, the benefits of being able to travel and
work
Use synonyms
 from any country outweigh the drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents the topic and your opinion clearly, but it could be improved by adding a brief overview of the main points you will discuss. This will help set expectations for the reader.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, ensure that the main points are directly linked back to the topic. For instance, while the example of the student from Kazakhstan is good, make a clearer connection to how this opportunity represents the advantages of technology and transportation.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims about health issues and isolation. This could strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture for the reader.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and effectively use personal belief phrases like 'Personally, I believe,' which enhances the essay's strength.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the graduate student in Kazakhstan, adds depth to your argument and makes it relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication technology
  • transportation
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • freedom
  • work and live
  • development
  • increased job opportunities
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cultural exposure
  • diversity
  • economic growth
  • globalization
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • loss of community
  • sense of belonging
  • expensive cost of living
  • housing
  • strain on infrastructure
  • resources
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