IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, the government should prioritize healthcare. Others say that there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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Whenever a country's budgets are passed it is crucial for authorities where it will be distributed and how.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it should be contributed to
health
Use synonyms
 care
while
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 others suggest another way of distributing funds.I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with the first statement and elaborate on it in
this
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 essay with
controversial
Add an article
a controversial
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 statement.
Firstly
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,"
health
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 is wealth"is truly said by someone
due to
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 the proliferation ratio of critical situations , it is the Government's responsibility to spend more funds towards the research of a cure.
As a result
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,
people
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 can afford some medication for better
health
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 .
For example
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,in covid-19 era,remdesivor injections have become extremely costly and a few can afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to save their loved ones from hazardous conditions.Considering that situation,it would be necessary for them to offer valuable amounts in
health
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 care.When
,
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apply
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people
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 have good
health
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,it enhances the
overall
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 growth of nations because without it they will become fragile physically and can not earn well for their families .
Consequently
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,it would
be
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact on
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
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 economy
as well as
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 GDP.
However
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,
health
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 care has numerous reasons to grant funds and a plethora of ways to spend money for
thegrowth
Correct your spelling
the growth
 of a nation.Education plays a significant role in an individual's life.Without it,it is difficult for developing nations to grow and compete with other nations.
For example
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,education is very costly in developing countries,
while
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 in the USA it is free of cost as
consequence
Add an article
a consequence
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 they have
got
Verb problem
apply
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extremely prominent personalities.Another pivotal aspect is food,authorities must take action towards charity
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food,plenty of
people
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 are starving for it and it
also
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 plays a role in
theoverall
Correct your spelling
the overall
 economic growth of the country.
To sum up
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,I reiterate that,
health
Use synonyms
 is the key factor for anyone so,the government must provide a good amount of it.
However
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 ,healthier growth of the nation can be achieved by equivalence funding between
health
Use synonyms
 and other factors like education and food.

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task achievement
Your essay does well in addressing both sides of the argument, but try to add more depth to each argument. Provide more detailed examples and explain your reasoning more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Work on transitions between ideas to make the essay smoother and more coherent.
language use
Check grammar and punctuation. There are several run-on sentences and some incorrect usage of articles that affects readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in setting the stage and wrapping up the discussion in a structured manner.
task achievement
You have provided examples which is very important in task achievement. Try to make them more specific and detailed for better support.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental role
  • overall well-being
  • productive and prosperous society
  • long-term government expenditure
  • preventing diseases
  • chronic conditions
  • balance healthcare spending
  • vital sectors
  • national development
  • overemphasis
  • budget deficits
  • insufficient funding
  • essential services
  • projects
  • balanced approach
  • adequate healthcare funding
  • technological advancements
  • environmental sustainability
  • comprehensive national development
  • meaningful balance
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