IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
The view that wild
animals
 are not necessary in the 21st century has recently begun to gain popularity.
This
 essay completely disagrees with
this
 opinion, because of the biological food chain and scientific importance of wild
animals
.
Firstly
, wild
animals
 play a crucial role in maintaining ecological balance. They contribute
seed
Change preposition
to seed
show examples
 dispersal, processes vital for agriculture and ecosystem health.
For instance
, the decline of bee populations
due to
 habitat loss has had a significant impact on crop yields globally. Protecting these creatures is a necessity for human survival and food security.
Secondly
, wild
animals
 possess educational value beyond their ecological functions. They enrich our lives through recreation,inspiration, and scientific research. Wildlife tourism generates substantial revenue for many economies, supporting local communities and conservation efforts.
Moreover
, the study of animal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and biology has led to vital medical advancements.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay does well in presenting the main points, it would benefit from a clearer and stronger conclusion to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively presents the topic, but a more comprehensive thesis statement would improve clarity and engagement.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples and data to support the arguments. This would strengthen the relevance and impact of the points made.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt clearly and presents a coherent argument against the notion that wild animals are unnecessary.
task achievement
The arguments regarding ecological balance and scientific importance are well-chosen and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident, with paragraphs flowing well from one main point to another.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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