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Band 3.5

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#generations #people #life
Adults mostly have
specific
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a specific
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opinion
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opinions
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 on
lifestyle
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the lifestyle
a lifestyle
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 of humans
while
the
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apply
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part of
the
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apply
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society
consider
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considers
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 those opinions unnecessary in raising
kids
 of
this
 century. I strongly agree with
this
 idea of changing methods in terms of educational matters
due to
transformation
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the transformation
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 of the current world and the need for an individual approach for youngsters. Obviously,
evolving
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the evolving
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 digital era influences
behavior
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the behavior
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 and perspective of young people compared to
older
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the older
an older
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 generation. Parents might be worried about
negative
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the negative
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 effects of the internet towards children’s mental health.
However
, fostering
kids
 without online resources restricts young minds from an opportunity
of exploring
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to explore
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 and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 about what is happening in
world
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the world
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. As an example,
kids
that
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who
show examples
 are actively online on
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
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phones
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 or
laptop
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laptops
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 easily communicate with other individuals and are able
quickly
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to quickly
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 find the latest news.
Moreover
, different treatment for each kid
needed
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is needed
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 since every person is unique. Surely, methods applied decades ago do not work on children of
new
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the new
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 generation and every family
raise
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raises
show examples
 their offspring relying on family values and in conditions that differ.
For example
, some families cook dinner together or spend time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature, which helps a child to be responsible and take care of nature.
To conclude
, it is essential to use new methods of fostering
for
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apply
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kids
 because
of
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apply
show examples
the world
that
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apply
show examples
changes fast and
uniqueness
Correct article usage
the uniqueness
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 of each child.
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing how traditional ideas may not be helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. However, while the main points are clear, they could be more comprehensively developed. For instance, the impact of the digital era on behavior is introduced but not deeply explored.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider further elaborating on your main points and provide clearer examples. Transitions between paragraphs are generally clear, but improving the flow within paragraphs would also strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, effectively framing your argument. This contributes positively to the overall coherence of your essay.
logical structure
The essay provides a logically structured response to the prompt, with each paragraph appropriately supporting the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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