Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that keeping predators safe nowadays is just
misspend
of Correct article usage
a misspend
fund
. I strongly disagree with ignoring the importance of wild Fix the agreement mistake
funds
animals
on earth due to
loss
of biodiversity and possible danger to Correct article usage
the loss
nature
.
Of course, it is hard to imagine the
Correct article usage
apply
nature
without its forests, fields and mountains and the creatures that live in harmony in those places. That is
why without different types of wild animals
there are no genetic diversity and unique cultural places and religion
interlinked with wild creatures in all corners of the world. Fix the agreement mistake
religions
For example
, lions symbolize Sikhism and considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
as
an inseparable part of Safari.
Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, for ecosystems to lose any kind of wild animals
might be harmful since all flora, fauna and surroundings in nature
have close
connection with each other that affects humanity too. Obviously, Add an article
a close
decline
in Correct article usage
a decline
Correct article usage
the numbers
numbers
of predators leads to an upsurge in other Fix the agreement mistake
number
animals
that plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
function
of prey. As an example, Add an article
the function
diminish
Verb problem
a decrease
of
quantity of eagles can Change preposition
in
effect
a rise of number of foxes, Correct your spelling
affect
rabbits
Correct word choice
and rabbits
that
are the main meal of a wild bird. Correct pronoun usage
which
This
is
not only decreases the productivity of the ecosystem but Unnecessary verb
apply
also
its service for people as a health and food security.
To conclude
, wild
part of fauna is essential to keep biodiversity and to safety of the Correct article usage
the wild
nature
around the world.Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents clear ideas but could benefit from a clearer structure. Try to organize your paragraphs more effectively, ensuring each paragraph addresses a single idea clearly linked to the overall argument. For example, dedicate one paragraph to biodiversity and another to ecosystem balance.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure to write a more comprehensive introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help provide a roadmap for the reader. Additionally, your conclusion could be slightly expanded to better summarize the arguments discussed in the essay.
supported main points
While you have provided relevant examples, such as the symbolism of lions in Sikhism and the role of eagles in controlling prey populations, elaborate a bit more on these examples to strengthen your arguments. Make sure each example directly supports the point you are making.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed and clearly articulated. For instance, explain more thoroughly why the loss of biodiversity is dangerous and provide more detailed reasoning about the balance of ecosystems.
relevant specific examples
You've included relevant and specific examples which enhance your arguments. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and its implications.
complete response
The essay addresses the topic fully and provides a clear stance on the issue of protecting wild animals in the 21st century.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.