Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that staying on the phone or watching
TV
is enjoyable, but it has its disadvantages. While
some believe there is no harm in letting their children
spend most of their time
in front of a screen
, others strongly oppose it. In my opinion, excessive screen
time
can diminish children
’s mental abilities. This
essay will discuss how this
can cause children
to lose focus in school and weaken their social skills.
To begin
with, children
may lack social skills due to
excessive use of the internet, whether it involves watching videos or playing games. Children
who spend most of their time
engaged in online activities or watching TV
often have their lives centered
around social media. Change the spelling
centred
Thus
, they lose the ability to socialize with other kids, which can negatively impact them in the future. For instance
, my brother spends so much time
playing online games that he struggles to communicate with the neighbor’s
kids, who are his age. Change the spelling
neighbour’s
Therefore
, each household should set screen
time
limits for their children
to help improve their mental and social development.
Secondly
, children
may lose focus in school and eventually become careless, which can affect their academic performance. When children
spend excessive time
watching TV
and playing computer games, they often become addicted, prioritizing these activities over schoolwork, studying, or even sleeping. Consequently
, they tend to lose focus in class due to
a lack of sleep. For example
, studies show that children
who spend most of their time
online are generally less academically successful than those with limited screen
time
.
In conclusion, despite differing opinions, I argue that excessive TV
watching and computer game playing do not benefit children
’s mental abilities in any way. In fact, their abilities are likely to deteriorate without improvement, which is why setting screen
time
limits is crucial for both children
and adults.Submitted by linamazenaytah on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt clearly and provides a strong opinion. However, delve deeper into how screen time specifically affects mental abilities such as problem-solving or critical thinking skills.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay remains focused on mental abilities throughout. Mention more specific cognitive functions rather than general statements like 'lack focus in school.'
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by making smoother transitions between the points. For example, use transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore.'
coherence cohesion
Vary sentence structures to enhance readability. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences will make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set the stage and summarize your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to back up your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid, and the paragraphs are well-organized.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.