IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space. Others argue they should spend the money for poor people. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #money #space
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The allocation of government expenditures for the purpose of
space
exploration
 is a controversial issue debating on whether the governmental budget should be spent to explore
space
 or not.
However
, after a thorough consideration, though
space
exploration
 could lead to the discovery, it is firmly believed that the expenses spent on
space
exploration
 should be used to tackle ongoing problems in society. It is undeniable that discoveries of the facts about outer
space
 came from
exploration
. The trip to outer
space
 or even other planets could provide more physical information to the scientists.
For instance
, the trip to Mars by the robotic landers could provide more informative facts and the discovery of the Mars environment.
Nevertheless
, the projects related to outer
space
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
 which can be used to improve
citizen’s
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens’
show examples
 quality of life. There are plenty of issues faced by the citizens in the country that can be solved
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
money
, meaning that the government should allocate their monetary budget
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 solving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
issues
such
 as famine, homelessness and economic recession. It can be clearly seen in the problems of famine which can be solved by providing food for the unprivileged citizens,
then
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a place for farming could be one solution that requires
money
.
By shifting
Change preposition
Shifting
show examples
 the
money
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
space
exploration
 to solving these issues could enhance people's lives and increase the happiness of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, governmental expenses should be used effectively to solve the problems occurring in society rather than spent on exploring
space
 even if it could lead to new discoveries.
Submitted by pattaraporn.konj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both views and provides a clear stance on the issue. However, it could benefit from providing more specific examples and depth to fully support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and contains both an introduction and conclusion, but a few linking sentences between paragraphs could help improve the flow and cohesion further.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive main idea regarding government spending and societal issues.
coherence cohesion
The introduction concisely presents the topic and the conclusion neatly summarizes the key points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocation of resources
  • technological advancements
  • national pride
  • global prestige
  • colonization
  • scientific knowledge
  • immediate impact
  • reduction of poverty
  • inequality
  • access to education
  • healthcare
  • human capital
  • equitable
  • sustainable
  • vulnerable
  • fostering
What to do next:
Look at other essays: