IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the probably related to this.

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Introduction
Over the
last
Linking Words
 few years, some
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not spent
time
Use synonyms
to look
Change the verb form
looking
show examples
 after
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
, today's
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important problem
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 should pay attention
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 I will discuss the main reason believed
this
Linking Words
 issue and give
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 solution.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 who look after for elderly do not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them . The first reason should
care
Add a missing verb
be care
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 family
also
Linking Words
 they accept a lot of
disas
Correct your spelling
discs
dishes
 because
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to look after
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 I recommend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to look after
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
,
that is
Linking Words
 why
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to
more
Add a missing verb
do more
show examples
 look after.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 do not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 to look after
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 why
Body paragraph 3
some
people
Use synonyms
 west
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 every day but they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not free
time
Use synonyms
 for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 .
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 they go to a lot of restaurants and
partys
Correct your spelling
parties
. One day
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to
people
Use synonyms
 but they do not live that
time
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 I recommend to some
people
Use synonyms
 who care for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 do have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to look after them
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to good partner
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 talk
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
Conclusion
In conclusion. I believe that some
people
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 because
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to look
after
Correct pronoun usage
after them
show examples
,
Their
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 should have modern
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and modern eminites because
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 elderly some
people
Use synonyms
 give for
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
today's that issue is population and
seriously
Change the word
serious
show examples
 problem.

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task response
Your essay would greatly benefit from a clear central thesis statement or argument in your introduction to provide direction for your readers.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs require more structure. Make sure each paragraph discusses one main idea clearly explained and supported by relevant examples or evidence.
task response
Avoid repetition and focus on expanding your points with relevant examples to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to work on transitions between your ideas. Use linking words or phrases to connect your thoughts logically.
task response
The introduction attempts to address the issue, specifying the problem regarding caring for the elderly.
task response
You provide recommendations on how to improve the situation for those caring for the elderly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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