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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting foor clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting foor clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016
#line #patients #foor #clinics
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The line graph compares data about the weekly rate of illnesses who visited four different clinics, which comprise birth control, eye, diabetic, and dental, of a hygiene
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 between 2010 to 2016. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 for three clinics, which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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 Dental, Birth control, and Diabetic, fluctuated around their initial number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2010,
however
Linking Words
,
Eye
Correct article usage
the Eye
show examples
 clinic soared during the examined years.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 born
managing
Replace the word
management
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 and Diabetic clinics, it is obvious that both had an
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
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 trend in the first interval between 2010 and 2012. Despite the fact that diabetics stayed constant until 2012, the rate of born
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 dramatically dropped from almost 300
into
Change preposition
to
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lower
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 than 200
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
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, both rose, the birth control couldn’t receive,
however
Linking Words
, its peak in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the eye clinic surged through from higher than 100 to 350
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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at the end
Linking Words
. In the light of the fact that the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 with toothache slightly declined from 100 to 50 approximately.
Then
Linking Words
, it gently went up
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2012 and 2014. After that, it remained
steadily
Change the word
steady
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, at almost 130.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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