In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
Many pupils are spending more
time
with their Use synonyms
friends
Use synonyms
instead
of their Linking Words
families
lately. Use synonyms
This
is Linking Words
due to
the advancement of communication devices and platforms, Linking Words
however
, I think that pupils should not be forced to spend more Linking Words
time
with their Use synonyms
families
because Use synonyms
this
can upset them.
The development of communication gadgets and social Linking Words
media
affects how Use synonyms
children
spend their Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
families
. The proliferation of gadgets Use synonyms
such
as handphones and laptops makes it easier for Linking Words
children
to communicate with their Use synonyms
friends
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, with the widespread usage of social Linking Words
media
Use synonyms
such
as Instagram and TikTok, Linking Words
children
are most likely to spend more Use synonyms
time
on their social Use synonyms
media
to contact their Use synonyms
friends
. Use synonyms
For example
, many Linking Words
children
are spending their Use synonyms
time
on the phone to chat or talk to their Use synonyms
friends
through social Use synonyms
media
all day long.
Use synonyms
Although
nowadays Linking Words
children
are spending less Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
families
, I don't think that they should be forced to spend more Use synonyms
time
at home because it could bother their relationship with their Use synonyms
parents
. Being forced to spend more Use synonyms
time
at home will make many Use synonyms
children
unhappy, and Use synonyms
as a result
, they will look at their Linking Words
parents
angrily. Use synonyms
Instead
, I believe it is better for Linking Words
parents
to start communicating differently with their Use synonyms
children
with more warmth and different manners. Use synonyms
For instance
, a recent study found that Linking Words
children
with good relationships with their Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
,
will likely have lower rates of daily screen Remove the comma
apply
time
.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, many pupils are spending more Linking Words
time
with their Use synonyms
friends
rather than their family because of the advancement of telecommunication devices and Use synonyms
media
. Use synonyms
Nonetheless
, they should not be forced to spend more Linking Words
time
at home because Use synonyms
this
can make them unhappy with their Linking Words
families
.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are mostly supported, which contributes to good coherence and cohesion. However, try to provide more relevant examples to support your points further. Including more specific instances or studies can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task and provided a complete response. To improve further, consider adding more variety to your sentence structures and making sure that all your ideas are comprehensive and well-elaborated. Detailed explanations will help reinforce your positions and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. This structure helps convey your main points effectively.
task achievement
Your response demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and includes relevant arguments as to why children should not be forced to spend more time with their families. This shows a strong engagement with the task.