Some people think that employers should ensure a supportive and pleasant work environment where each employee is respected and valued equally while others think employers should focus instead on providing better facilities and equipment. what is your opinion?

Many individuals believe that
one
of the crucial criteria that employers ought to focus on is providing a
work
spirit that will allow the employee to develop and be recognized.
On the other hand
, some people argue that instruments and proper working place what is important. In my opinion, both of them are essential and related to each other. On the
one
hand, many
employees
prefer to
work
in a supportive
work
even if the salary is less than in other places. They love to notice improvement throughout their life and to feel that they are valuable in their
work
and their communities as well.
In addition
, many of them before asking about the salary, ask about the environment of the
work
to see if it is going to suit them or not.
For example
, many of the employee who are not improving in their job will feel unsatisfied about what they are doing.
Conversely
, improvement will be easier if you have great facilities in your
work
. Appropriate equipment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
useful for
employees
to accomplish their
work
faster and do it in a proper way, and the
employees
who know how to deal with these instruments will be valuable more than the others.
Furthermore
, they will be able to do more than
one
thing at the same time, and multi-tasking is
one
of the important things for employers.
For example
, a banker who is able to deal properly with the computer, money machine and customers will be more respected than others. In conclusion, I believe that providing perfect
work
tools contributes to supporting the
employees
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
achieving what they want in their
work
and gaining the respect that they waited for.
Submitted by okalqusay on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically organized, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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