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Band 6.5

the graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

the graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
#tourists #caribbean #island
This
 line graph indicates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the visitor numbers who were staying on
cruise
 ships, or staying on
Caribbean
Add an article
the Caribbean
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island
Fix the agreement mistake
islands
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 from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
, the total number of tourists gradually increased throughout the whole period shown.
While
 visitors staying on
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 consistently went up by the end of
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
,
cruise
 users showed a slow pattern and it had
lower
Correct word choice
fewer
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 visitors than
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 on
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
. In 2010, travellers who were lodging in
Caribbean
Correct article usage
the Caribbean
show examples
 started from 0.25
million
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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reached 1
million
, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost double compared to the previous
year
. The
cruise
 ship users started from 0.75
million
 in the first
year
 in 2010 but had no changes next
year
 in 2011. It is noticeable that the
tourists
Correct quantifier usage
number of tourists
show examples
 on
island
Add an article
the island
show examples
 dropped by half again from 2011 to 2012,
whereas
 the
cruise
Correct quantifier usage
number of cruise
show examples
 ship visitors went up gradually between 2011 and 2013.
However
, from the
year
 of 2013, the
island
Correct quantifier usage
number of island
show examples
 tourists started increasing again and it soared sharply and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2
million
 in 2017.
In contrast
, there were no changes in visitor numbers of
cruise
 ships from 2013 to 2015 and it decreased slightly to 1.25
million
 in 2016.
However
, it recovered again to 1.5
million
.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cruise, island, year, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • trough
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • steady increase
  • sharp decline
  • seasonal variation
  • cruise ship visitors
  • island stay visitors
  • economic impact
  • environmental impact
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable tourism
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