It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks

In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether most

cities

should have large natural places

such

squares

and

parks

or not, with many

people

believing that there are some benefits to introducing

parks

. In

this

essay, I will argue and explain how having big

parks

exerts a positive effect on citizens' lives.

To begin

with, I firmly believe that big public outdoor spaces do good for

people

's mental and physical health.

Firstly

, if towns do not have large natural spaces, many citizens travel to another area or even visit overseas to go to natural

parks

because countless

cities

become urbanisation.

Secondly

, a lot of folks need outdoor places where they get some rest in intricate

cities

, which makes them better when they have difficult problems and are exhausted in their workspaces.

For example

according to

the National Statistics Office, more than 50% of individuals visit public outdoor

squares

when they want to find happiness and excitement. On top of that, nowadays, numerous children spend too much time on smartphones and video games, which suffers from exercise shortage.

Therefore

, if many towns introduce large exterior spaces, young

people

can be interested in outdoor activities, which makes them participate in working out naturally.

As a result

, governments can address the problem.

For instance

, more than 35% of teenagers living near

parks

involve

Verb problem

take

show examples

part in several outdoor activities. In my opinion, having public natural

squares

has various benefits for individuals' health. For these reasons,

cities

should build a lot of outdoor places. In conclusion, there are a variety of merits for citizens. Especially

people

's mental and physical health become better by numerous

squares

Submitted by garim4645 on Tue Jul 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some sentences can be adjusted to enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

Although you have provided relevant examples, varying the examples and offering some statistical or real-world evidence would make your argument more convincing.

task achievement

Try to keep the conclusion more concise. It should summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph has a single clear idea. Sometimes your paragraphs have multiple points, which can dilute the persuasive power of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Clear and concise argument is presented in the introduction.

coherence cohesion

Each main point is logically structured and has sufficient elaboration.

task achievement

The essay thoroughly addresses why having public outdoor spaces positively impacts citizens' mental and physical health.

task achievement

Use of statistics adds credibility to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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How to prevent social media bullying? Problem sollution

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In most successful organizations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers is important, other people said that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?