IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the growing population in cities more and more people live in homes with small or no outdoor areas. It is positive or negative development?

In
this
Linking Words
fast- paced
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fast-paced
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 era,
number
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the number
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 of inhabitants
are
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is
show examples
 increasing rapidly and residencies have no
backyards
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. It is
positive
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a positive
show examples
 development to utilise the
space
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 for everyone,
while
Linking Words
 it
diminish
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diminishes
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 the bond with nature and
give
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gives
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 invitation to stress and negativity in
Use synonyms
house
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the house
show examples
. To commence with, offering less void
space
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 in
exterior
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the exterior
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 of
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house
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the house
show examples
 has a handful of merits. First and foremost, more
people
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 will be accommodated by saving a small place of houses. Nobody will be homeless
due to
Linking Words
 more housing
space
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. Resultantly,
government
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the government
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 has enough
space
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 for
vergant
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vulnerable
people
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 to build shelter homes.
Secondly
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,
people
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 who are busy in their careers
they
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apply
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do not have to worry about
maintenance
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the maintenance
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 of the
backyards
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 as it takes
huge
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a huge
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 amount of
times
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time
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, grassy areas are
Use synonyms
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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microbes, insects and mosquitoes.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
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becomes
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become
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 ill and they have to suffer a lot.
For example
Linking Words
, countries like India
amd
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and
 Nepal do not make
backyards
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 at their homes.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
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 of these nations do not have to sleep on the roads because they have more accommodation.
Conversly
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Conversely
, as the
house
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 does not have open
space
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, residents feel less connected with nature and trapped inside the four walls of
Use synonyms
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
. Even, children opt for gadgets and feel exhausted in their homes
and
Correct word choice
apply
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owing to the paucity of fresh air. Tacitly,
house
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 blocks without floras have more
noiser
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noise
noisier
 atmosphere.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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not
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do not
did not
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 feel
relaxation
Replace the word
relaxed
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 in their own
home
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homes
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due to
Linking Words
 less
space
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sitting
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 in Bangladesh
suffers
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suffer
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with
Change preposition
from
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 stress and depression
due to
Linking Words
 no open
space
Use synonyms
 in their
Use synonyms
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are some positive notes of saving
space
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 for residents.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, we can not deny that there are cons to not having
backyards
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 at home.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a deteched
show examples
deteched
Correct your spelling
detached
detected
house
Use synonyms
 ought to be constructed.

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task achievement
Your essay contains some good ideas and examples, but it falls short in clarity and coherence. Try to refine your main points and make sure each paragraph covers a single idea clearly supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that make parts of your essay difficult to understand. Work on sentence structure and grammar to convey your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion further. The introduction should clearly outline your main argument, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your points and restate your stance.
task achievement
Although relevant examples were provided, they could be more comprehensive and detailed. Aim to include specific, detailed examples to support your arguments better.
task achievement
You have tackled the topic comprehensively, touching upon both positive and negative aspects of living in homes without outdoor areas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses some important considerations such as maintenance, mental health, and connection with nature, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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