IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that physical education classes are an important of childs education. While others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time Discuss both the views and give your opinion

A large proportion of society claims that physical
classes
Use synonyms
 are a vital part of their
education
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that children should concentrate on their academic
courses
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, physical
education
Use synonyms
 is crucial for pupils because
this
Linking Words
 course improves physical and mental health.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, building a daily routine is more convenient in the younger ages. Schools play a substantial role in
this
Linking Words
 field. A physical
education
Use synonyms
 class can teach
students
Use synonyms
 how important to be healthy, and a regular workout can improve their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study at Oxford University showed that
students
Use synonyms
 who had a physical
education
Use synonyms
 course during their primary school are healthier and successful than others.
In addition
Linking Words
, in physical
education
Use synonyms
courses
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 become more familiar with each other.
As a result
Linking Words
, pupils can improve their social skills , which are essential for adulthood. They have to communicate with their co-workers, so they need to be extroverted. Physical
education
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are a proper place to improve
this
Linking Words
 skill.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, academic
courses
Use synonyms
 provide lessons in math, literature, and chemistry. These
courses
Use synonyms
 are arduous.
Students
Use synonyms
 should focus on them to get good scores and pass exams. Sometimes they may get tired after physical
education
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they cannot concentrate on class. If they attend school with full energy, they will get great grades.
Moreover
Linking Words
, academic
classes
Use synonyms
 are more determining in pupils' future. If they apply for a job, they will be asked about their
education
Use synonyms
 and literacy.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many overweight people who work as teachers and doctors.
To conclude
Linking Words
, academic
classes
Use synonyms
 are important for the knowledge that they provide for
students
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, physical
education
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are more vital because building a routine in adulthood is tough.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, a middle with body ideas, and a end. Say your view in the start and restate it in the end.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words. Use words like 'first','also','but','so' to show how ideas go together.
content
Add more detail to each point. Explain why PE helps health and later life, and use simple facts or good examples.
language
Check use of words and keep sentences from being long. Some phrases are not right.
content
Some ideas are ok but some claims are odd or not well linked. Keep ideas clear and tied to the task.
language
Check spell and punctuation so the meaning is clear.
idea
You show a clear view that PE matters.
content
You link PE to health and social skills.
structure
There is a basic plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: