IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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Some individuals have a belief of accepting a negative
situation
, for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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work
that is
 not fulfilling or where there is not enough
money
while
 other
people
 are of the view that working out the
situation
 and improving
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 is what should be done.  In my opinion, I think improving the issue is the best way out of a problem.
This
 essay will discuss both issues.  On the one hand, some
people
 are in situations where they do not have a choice but to accept an unsatisfactory
job
 or
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
money
. Some
people
 may have had no education
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 are crippled, and the only
job
 they have is not satisfying and at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time gives them a very long salary.
For example
,  in Kenya, there is
father
Add an article
a father
the father
show examples
 who
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 no legs.  The only
job
 that he could do was to sew or
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 a tailor. 
That is
 how made his living and he took care of his family but the little
money
 he got from being a tailor. 
Thus
, he was not satisfied with his
job
 but he had to do just that
job
 only.
On the other hand
, some
people
 love to complain and are
also
 lazy. 
Instead
, they need to change the state they are in. 
Further
, others come from poor families, but when they are not happy about their
situation
, they should change it by
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
studying so that they can get better jobs in future. 
Furthermore
, others can volunteer to do tasks in different
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 and expose themselves to places they want to work. Moreso, some can indulge in business and be their own boss where they will be able to make their own
money
 that will bring happiness to them. In conclusion, accepting a bad
situation
 like
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
money
 and not being happy at work is best for others because it is inevitable.
Conversely
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in my view, I believe changing the negative
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
 is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 wisest thing to do by studying, getting exposure and starting your own business.
Submitted by pncubeterera on

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content
Ensure each main point is fully developed and supported with relevant examples or evidence. This will help provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
language
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Consider revising sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
language
Try to produce more varied and complex sentences to enhance readability and convey more nuanced understanding.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good structure to the essay.
content
Main points are distinct and relevant to the topic at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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