IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

It is suggested that the government is wasting money on the
arts
Use synonyms
 and could allocate the budget more effectively
in
Change preposition
to
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 other sectors. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, claiming that art is important because investments in the
arts
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 reflect civilisation;
however
Linking Words
, other aspects of
life
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 should not be overlooked as well. The
arts
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal role in
society
Use synonyms
’s cultural
life
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 as they reflect the community’s level of development. Artworks are considered cultural heritage and they reflect national identity. The more interested
society
Use synonyms
 is in the
arts
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, the higher its living standards tend to be.
In other words
Linking Words
, a well-developed
society
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 values art as a form of self-expression.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Louvre Museum attracts hundreds of visitors daily, highlighting how both local and foreign individuals are interested in culture. Despite the fact that art is important, countries should not underestimate other aspects of
life
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, as they have a more significant impact on
overall
Linking Words
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 in
society
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. Education, health, the environment, and many other sectors can affect public
life
Use synonyms
 in a more beneficial way compared to investments in the
arts
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, there should be a balance based on the needs of
society
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 when allocating financial resources. A good example is Finland, whose top two national priorities are health and education. Finland does not neglect the
arts
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;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is not a priority area for funding.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some people think that investments in the
arts
Use synonyms
 by the government are a waste of money, I do not fully support
this
Linking Words
 idea as the
arts
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 are important for
society
Use synonyms
’s cultural
life
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, though countries should invest more in other vital sectors.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This can help strengthen your argument and make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can use linking words to improve the connections between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your ideas about the importance of arts and the balance with other sectors are clear and logically presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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