IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Nowadays , Youths are spending a
lot
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 of
money
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 on leisure activities in malls. some
people
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 think that
this
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 attitude will have a negative effect on the forthcoming generation . I partially agree with
this
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 point of view and
further
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 In
this
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 essay ,I will explain my views with some examples.
To begin
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 with , there is no doubt that the way
people
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 are living has now changed a
lot
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 as it used to be. there are many shopping centres open in cities to fulfil individual basic requirements
such
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 as clothing , groceries , fruits and vegetables.
For example
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 ,Nowadays
people
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 judge others on their appearance and give them treatment based on their judgement like if someone wears branded new clothes that means he has a
lot
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 of
money
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 and other
people
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 will treat him so nicely
as a result
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 all
people
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 want a good treatment in society.
Secondly
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 , society changing rapidly and everyone spends a
lot
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 of
time
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 at shopping malls whether they go to buy a thing or do window shopping . Actually ,we should understand the value of
time
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 and
money
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.
Time
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 will never come back and the
money
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 we spend on unnecessary items
also
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 not come back .
For Instance
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 , A study revealed that a person who spends more
time
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 in a shopping centre always loses their focus on the main objective.
To conclude
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, I believe that spending
money
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 on your hobbies or any other leisure activity is completely fine but we should save some amount for our future
also
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.
In addition
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 , we should understand the value of
money
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 and
time
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.

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task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing more relevant and specific examples. This will help illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that supports your thesis, and that your arguments logically flow from one to the other.
language
Pay attention to language accuracy and avoid minor errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar to enhance your clarity and precision.
task achievement
You maintained a clear position throughout the essay and ended with a well-rounded conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to a coherent structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • shopping centre
  • negative influences
  • trend
  • materialism
  • consumer culture
  • impulsive buying
  • financial strain
  • exposure
  • physical activity
  • social interactions
  • small businesses
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